AManWalksIntoAnOffice: April 2006 Archives

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Apr30	You Know You're an Engineer (part 7) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Know More: Engineer 2.0, Engineer You know you're an engineer.... If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven. Posted at 4:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr30	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 5) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it FUTURISTIC - No other reason... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Switzerland Bill Belew April 30, 2006 On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. Then don't bring me a menu...just pour me another glass.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:07 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 6) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 16. Garbage - Getting it to the Curb. 17. #101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It - If You Really Try 18. #102... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr29	You Know You're an Engineer ( part 6) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies. If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area. If you carry on a one-hour debate over... Continue Reading Posted at 7:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 5) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 13. Reasons to give Flowers 14. How to stay awake after sex 15. Why it is Unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the Washroom... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Austria Bill Belew April 29, 2006 In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. I had to get my dictionary out for this one to make sure I didn't do it... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 4) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr28	You Know You're an Engineer (part 5) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out... Continue Reading Posted at 7:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	KMM Writers Go A-huntin in Utah Bill Belew April 28, 2006 It seems a bunch of KMM writers when hunting in Utah somewhere. The boss of the group decided it might be a good idea to practice camouflaging techniques. When all the men had taken position the boss went to a hilltop so that he... Continue Reading Posted at 4:29 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 3) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming FIELD-TESTED - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 4) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 10. Get a Life - Learn to Cook. 11. Spelling - Even you can get it right 12. You - The Weaker Sex... Continue Reading Posted at 12:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Moscow Bill Belew April 28, 2006 In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. But because the ground is usually frozen... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr27	You Know You're an Engineer (part 4) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' golf clubs. If you use a CAD... Continue Reading Posted at 7:09 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for... Continue Reading Posted at 5:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 3) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called "Don't Wash my Silks") 8. Parenting - No, it Doesn't End with Conception. 9. How not to Act... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We do not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas. GIVE US MONEY. 6. Understanding the Female Response... Continue Reading Posted at 12:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 27, 2006 you know they will say such nice things about you at your funeral but you know you will miss it by a few days. you read the obits every day and you can't understand how people always die in alphabetical order.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Japan Bill Belew April 27, 2006 In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. And then after that, you are invited to go to jail for being so stupid as to not know what it really means.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Gets Thrown Out of a San Jose Shark Hockey Arena Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A drunk decided he was going to go ice fishing. After gathering his gear he wandered around until he found a big patch of ice. He then headed into the center of the ice and began to saw a hole. All... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr26	You Know You are an Engineer Bill Belew April 26, 2006 You know you are an Engineer .... If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife". If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:55 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Leaves His Office After Getting Fired Bill Belew April 26, 2006 A man was driving home after being fired. That and having his wife leave him, he wondered if things could be worse. Without knowing it he was driving above the speed limit. He then saw a police car with its red lights... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Hi Tech Computer Sales Jargon Bill Belew April 26, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. NEW - Different color from previous design ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design EXCLUSIVE - Imported product... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know The Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 The clothes she has put away until they come back in style... caome back in style. All of her favorite movies are now revised in color. The car that he bought brand new becomes an antique. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 when you stop buying green bananas. when you realize the advantage to being your age is that there is no peer pressure. you understand that death is not the end; there remains the litigation over your estate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Yugoslavia Bill Belew April 26, 2006 In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. But, do I take them off before she does that?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr25	Foreign Signs - Athens Bill Belew April 25, 2006 In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. I wonder if the hours were expanded during the Olympics....or if that was when the policy... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men Bill Belew April 25, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do Housework 3. PMS - Learning When to Keep Your Mouth Shut ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Grand Cherokee for Sale Bill Belew April 25, 2006 This story is a little long, but indeed a crack up. A guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets ahold of his friend and they go... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know the Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when he was growing up. Her childhood toys are now in a museum. She keeps repeating herself. ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You're an Engineer part 3 Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail. If your wrist watch has more computing power than an Intel Pentium Processor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 25, 2006 It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything you start becoming a little forgetful, but you still like to give me advice. The other day I took my son aside and left him there. you are so old that bartenders... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr24	You Know You're an Engineer Part 2 Bill Belew April 24, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas. If Dilbert is your hero. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 24, 2006 the cardiologist's tells you with regard to your diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. the doctor tells you: I have good news and bad news: the good news is thatyou are not a hypochondriac. you don't need glasses... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Paris Bill Belew April 24, 2006 In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. Is this why my wife left me standing at the front desk?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 24, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Very early one morning two birds are... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 24, 2006 She keeps repeating herself. She begins to think that cafeteria food starts tasting GOOD. He refers to his $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi." He makes it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr23	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 23, 2006 you realize that time wounds all heels. you know that you should have taken better care of your knees; because you miss them now that they're gone. you see that you are becoming just like your great-grandchildren -- wearing diapers and using... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Belgrade Bill Belew April 23, 2006 In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. Is... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 23, 2006 She starts beating everyone else at trivia games. She frequently tells you others what a loaf of bread USED to cost. Her back goes out more often than she does.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr22	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 22, 2006 you realize the aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way thru Congress. your husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns. you notice that you... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Liepzig Bill Belew April 22, 2006 In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up. But, if I turn on the light, I wonder if the cord will reach from the ground floor to the top floor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 22, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked... Continue Reading Posted at 12:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 22, 2006 You find her mouth making promises her body can't keep. The waiter asks him how he'd like his steak...and he says "pureed". At parties he attends, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr21	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 21, 2006 experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again. you're old enough to know better, but you're too old to do it. you won't admit your more than 52, even if it does make your children illegitimate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Bucharest Bill Belew April 21, 2006 In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. I wonder if this has anything to do with why my wife says she doesn't want... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 21, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two atoms are walking down the street... Continue Reading Posted at 12:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 21, 2006 he comes to the conclusion that his worst enemy is gravity. it takes him all night to do what he used to do all night. he goes to a Garden Party and he is mainly interested in the garden.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:04 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr20	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 you stop taking life so seriously ... because it's not permanent. despite the cost of living, you still prefer that option to the alternative. you realize the trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Huh? Bill Belew April 20, 2006 In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis. I think I have stayed in this hotel....... Continue Reading Posted at 12:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 20, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. This guy goes into a restaurant for... Continue Reading Posted at 12:25 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 She runs out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs. She looks both ways before crossing a room. Her social security number only has three digits. She keeps repeating herself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr19	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 19, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Did you hear about the Buddhist who... Continue Reading Posted at 2:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 19, 2006 you don't worry about avoiding temptation because it starts to avoid you. you know you need to be nice to your children because they are going to choose your rest home. you realize the longer you live, the less future there... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 19, 2006 You discover the words, "whippersnapper", "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into his vocabulary. You see her on a TV game show and she decides to risk it all and go for the rocker. She begins every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr18	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 18, 2006 One of the throw pillows in the executive loung is a hot water bottle. Conversations with other executives their own age often turn into "dueling ailments". He keeps repeating himself. It takes her a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 "getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative. people ask you what you'd most appreciate getting and you tell them: a paternity suit. food has taken the place of sex in your life so much so... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets The Job Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two boll weevils grew up in South... Continue Reading Posted at 12:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	My Boss Retired... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 My boss' daughter decided her dad should be put in an old-folk's home because, well he was getting forgetful, among other things. The boss relunctantly agrees, and then recognized that he might actually enjoy being around other people who probably shared some of... Continue Reading Posted at 12:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Construction Crew Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A woman was asked about the construction crew that she was in charge of... Q: What's the difference between a man on your crew and a chimpanzee? A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching its butt and the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Employee Lounge Bill Belew April 18, 2006 There's a sign in the employee lounge at work.... Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it to take to clean up the sink in the employee lounge? A: Both of them. Q: How many honest,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr17	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You don't date women your own age because you can't find any. You stop aruging with your spouse for good because you can't hear each other. The only time you "woo woo" is when you are riding in an ambulance.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Albert Einstein Knows, Right? Bill Belew April 17, 2006 "There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will." -- Albert Einstein, 1932. ... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You see him leave work every day on time to watch a video he taped of daytime game shows. His new easy chair has more options than his car. You watch him do the "Hokey Pokey" at the company picnic and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 17, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A hungry lion was roaming through the... Continue Reading Posted at 1:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr16	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 16, 2006 When your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July. When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. When you wake up with that morning-after... Continue Reading Posted at 2:36 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Hope I Never Need an Operation Bill Belew April 16, 2006 Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria in 1873 counseled: "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." Well, at least I could have... Continue Reading Posted at 6:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 16, 2006 at the airport, you see the ticket agent ask him to check your bags...and he wasn't carrying any luggage. the Insurance Company has started sending him their free calendar... A month at a time. at the company cafeteria, you hear him complain that the... Continue Reading Posted at 2:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr15	Louie Louie! Bill Belew April 15, 2006 Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction," is what Pierred Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse said in 1872. Yeah, what do the French know anyway? They sold us half of the US for what a couple mil? Talk... Continue Reading Posted at 2:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is over the Hill when.... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 You discover that her measurements are now small, medium and large ... In that order. You light the candles on her birthday cake and a group of workers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya. Someone compliments her on her layered look...and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A doctor made it his regular habit... Continue Reading Posted at 2:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Time to Get Serious abt Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. When you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank ........ Continue Reading Posted at 2:11 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr14	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 14, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 11. Upon completion of a process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertentlyapply the sleep command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ.There is... Continue Reading Posted at 6:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Vacationing at Yosemite Bill Belew April 14, 2006 If you are planning to vacation in Yosemite you might try mountain climbing. In a worst case scenario the friendly rescue crews are right there if you need them.....in most cases....they are friendly, I mean. And if not you have... Continue Reading Posted at 3:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Happy Hour Bill Belew April 14, 2006 These guys have nothing to do but hang around bars at happy hour....and sure enough they are there again. This time a three legged dog walks in. The dog looks like something out of the old west. He sidles up... Continue Reading Posted at 2:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Stay Away from the Grand Canyon Bill Belew April 14, 2006 Lt. Joseph Ives of the US Army said after visiting the Grand Canyon in 1861: "Ours has been the first, and doubtless the last, to visit this profitless locality."... Continue Reading Posted at 2:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lesson # 3 from the Big Moo Bill Belew April 14, 2006 Uncle Shecky A woman from Ohio is walking in midtown Manhattan. She's a bit lost and then asks a man carrying a violin case, "Excuse me, sir. How do I get to Carnegie Hall? The violinist looks at her and says....... Continue Reading Posted at 2:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr13	If only Charles Darwin had known Bill Belew April 13, 2006 "I see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious sensibilities of anyone." -- Charles Darwin, , The Origin Of Species, 1869. ... Continue Reading Posted at 6:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 13, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 10. Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will end a process prematurely, before youhave the required result. This generally results in spawned processesscattered over your system... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Last Bunch of Headlines We Do NOT Want to See at Knowmoremedia....for now Bill Belew April 13, 2006 The last bunch of headlines we do NOT want to see at KnowMoreMedia ....for now. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years Man is Fatally... Continue Reading Posted at 3:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Happy Hour Bill Belew April 13, 2006 The two guys were back at the bar the next day during happy hour when this time a neutron walks in. The neutron jumps up on a stool and asks for a beer. The bartender delivers it. When the neutron... Continue Reading Posted at 2:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lesson # 2 from the Big Moo Bill Belew April 13, 2006 Uncle Shecky: A guy is walking to work one day and right outside his office he sees a penguin. He's startled, doesn't know what to do. So, he takes the penguin into his boss' office and asks his boss, "What... Continue Reading Posted at 2:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr12	Lesson # 1 From the Big Moo Bill Belew April 12, 2006 I finally got a hold of www.thebigmoo.com. I am just getting warmed up...I took it with me on the treadmill, so if truth be told, I really got hot. Anyway, there is a three act play in one section where... Continue Reading Posted at 5:23 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Margaret Thatcher Bill Belew April 12, 2006 The Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher, predicted in 1974 - "It will be years -- not in my time -- before a woman will become Prime Minister."... Continue Reading Posted at 6:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 12, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 9. Another problem with Husband 1.0 is that it can alsospawn unknown child processes, which can sometimes inadvertently appear,make huge demands on the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Will He Ever Run Out of Headlines We Do NOT Want to See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 12, 2006 Okay, even I have a limited number of these funky headlines....unless somebody sends me some more. Here are a few more. Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984 Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let's Resolve to Do Better If Strike Isn't... Continue Reading Posted at 3:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Happy Hour Bill Belew April 12, 2006 A couple of guys were hanging out a bar during happy hour when, believe it or not a mushroom walked in. The mushroom jumped up on the bar stool and ordered a drink. The bartender said, "We don't serve no... Continue Reading Posted at 2:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr11	Two Walmart Rednecks Go Fishing Bill Belew April 11, 2006 Two Rednecks from a local Walmart decide they were going to go fishing on their next holiday. They buy all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.... Continue Reading Posted at 4:58 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Know More Media's Next Contest Bill Belew April 11, 2006 I have an idea for KnowMoreMedia's next contest. How about a pun writing contest? We have a lot of good writers and I know I am no challenge. So, somebody else can win. I entered a local paper's pun contest... Continue Reading Posted at 4:43 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	3M Post-it - The Literature Disagreed Bill Belew April 11, 2006 Spencer Silver confessed this about his work that led to the unique adhesives for 3M Post-it Notepad notepads. "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do... Continue Reading Posted at 6:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 11, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 8. After a while, Husband 1.0 has a tendency to take up more spacethan originally allocated, often spreading in size and slowing downcorrespondingly.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Still More and More Headlines You Hope to Not See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 11, 2006 More and more headlines you hope to NOT see at KnowMoreMedia Miners Refuse to Work After Death Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies Two Sisters Reunite After Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter Never Withhold Herpes From Loved One Nicaragua... Continue Reading Posted at 3:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr10	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 10, 2006 You know your Boss is over the hill when... 1. You hear him listening to accordion music and liking it. 2. You see her sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps her cross her legs. 3. Keeping... Continue Reading Posted at 4:36 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Facing Retirement Bill Belew April 10, 2006 You know you should begin to think about retirement when - It happens more often that you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the the police. You have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one... Continue Reading Posted at 4:29 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Beatles Were on Their Way Out Bill Belew April 10, 2006 DECCA RECORDS rejected the BEATLES in 1962. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music in on the way out." Yep, the Beatles did indeed go way out.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 10, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 7. Husband 1.0 will frequently make use of low level language andmay not understand higher level commands.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Even Still More Headlines You Hope to Not See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 10, 2006 And here are even more headines we hope to Not see on KnowMoreMedia. How many can there be? Well, I have a few more days worth. Perhaps you have some to share...hint...hint...hint... Eye Drops Off Shelf Squad Helps Dog Bite... Continue Reading Posted at 2:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 9	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 9, 2006 Here is bug # 6. Every so often a new release of the program is promised, but unfortunately, upon loading this new release, it is generally foundto be almost identical to the old one, with very few feature changes andmost... Continue Reading Posted at 6:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	FEDEX Gets a 'C' Bill Belew April 9, 2006 A Yale Universtiy management professor told Fred Smith this about his paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found FEDEX ) "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Still More Headlines You Hope to Not See on KnowMoremMedia Bill Belew April 9, 2006 Here are a few more headlines we hope to NOT find on KnowMoreMedia. Queen Mary having bottom scraped Is there a ring of debris around Uranus Prostitutes appeal to Pope Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over NJ judge to... Continue Reading Posted at 3:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 8	More Headlines You Hope to NOT See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 8, 2006 Here are a few more headlines we hope to not find on KnowMoreMedia . Two convicts evade noose, jury hung William Kelly was fed secretary Milk drinkers are turning to powder Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted... Continue Reading Posted at 3:33 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 8, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 5. Every evening Husband 6.0 had a huge surge in demand for megabytesand if not satisfied, became unresponsive and at times caused damage... Continue Reading Posted at 6:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	XM Radio and Sirius are steeped in Stupidity Bill Belew April 8, 2006 What are satellite radio services XMRadio and SIRIUS thinking? I mean, David Sarnoff's associates told everyone who urged him to invest in the radio in 1920 - "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for... Continue Reading Posted at 6:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 7	Headlines You Hope to NOT see on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 7, 2006 I came across a whole slew of headlines that we hope to NOT see on KnowMoreMedia Grandmother of eight makes hole in one Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers House passes gas... Continue Reading Posted at 6:41 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Budweiser - Warning is Needed on the Label Bill Belew April 7, 2006 Budweiser needs to add a warning to their beer cans, much like the cigarette makers do especially after the shennanigans of these two men in South Africa. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	BOSS ENVY Bill Belew April 7, 2006 I don't know if this belongs in a humor blog or not...but it seemed funny to me. 54% of workers said they couldn't be paid enough to take their boss' job. (I am one of the 46% - they could... Continue Reading Posted at 8:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 7, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 4. In addition, Husband 1.0 often refused to respond to her commands and frequentlyappeared to be running processes which had not been authorized.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	ATT - Verizon - SBC - have blown it Bill Belew April 7, 2006 Western Union judged in an internal memo in 1876... "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." It isn't much good to AT&T, VERIZON,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 6	Glacier National Park Vacation - Watch Out For the Squirrels Bill Belew April 6, 2006 And watch out for the rangers as well. At Glacier National Park a visitor tried to lure a ground squirrel nearer by dangling his car keys in front of the critter. The squirrel grabbed the keys and ran down a hole with... Continue Reading Posted at 10:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Planning a Vacation Bill Belew April 6, 2006 If you are planning your vacation, here are some "fun" events you may want to consider, as well as some facts about places in our great country and some laws you may need to be aware of: In Centralia, Washington, it... Continue Reading Posted at 9:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Need A Raise Bill Belew April 6, 2006 When Michael Jordan was playing basketball for the Chicago Bulls it was noted that: He would make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute,assuming he averaged about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements each year, he would make $178,100... Continue Reading Posted at 9:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	KnowMoreMedia - Contest Winner Bill Belew April 6, 2006 A fair haired young women won the most recent KonwMoreMedia guest blogger contest. As a result she got a free trip to Las Vegas. As soon as she got there she walked up to a Coke machine and put in... Continue Reading Posted at 9:30 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Dell, Apple, Gateway? Did You listen? Bill Belew April 6, 2006 Ken Olsen, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation (for some reason, I remember this guy, in 1977 said, "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home? DELL, APPLE, GATEWAY .... Did you hear him? What... Continue Reading Posted at 6:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 5	The Art Studio Bill Belew April 5, 2006 Pablo Picasso walked out of an Art Studio after enjoying a display of his at a turn of the century exhibition. Just then a burglar came running out with some of Picasso's paintings. But thank goodness, Picasso got a good look... Continue Reading Posted at 7:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Walks into Home Depot Bill Belew April 5, 2006 Two men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The Home Depot clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check,"... Continue Reading Posted at 7:33 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Berlitz for Mice Bill Belew April 5, 2006 A man overheard this conversation between the momma mouse and the baby mouse. "Momma, whatcha studying?" "It's Berlitz for Mice, honey. Why do you ask?" "Well, whaddya need to study for?" "Let's take a walk and I'll show you why."... Continue Reading Posted at 7:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Mustangs and Chapstick Bill Belew April 5, 2006 A man couldn't afford a real www.mustang.com so he had to settle for the animal version. He also couldn't afford to buy www.chapstick.com. One day he rode into town and pulled up outside a saloon where he got off his horse. He... Continue Reading Posted at 7:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 5, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 3. She encountered an increased amount of interrupts and error messages, while the program often canceled processes without warning, very often crashing the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Tell Us, Intel. What is it good for? Bill Belew April 5, 2006 An engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM in 1968, had this comment about the microchip. "But, what....is it good for?" INTEL? What is it it good for?... Continue Reading Posted at 6:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 4	Elephants and Speedos Bill Belew April 4, 2006 Question: Why do elephants NOT wear Speedos? Answer: They have trouble keeping their trunks up.... Continue Reading Posted at 5:40 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Certs and Home Salon Foot Spray on a Honeymoon Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A handsome man and a beautiful girl met, fell in love, immediately got married and went on their honeymoon. On their wedding night, the bride went into the bathroom to freshen up. Unfortunately, she had bad breath so terrible she... Continue Reading Posted at 5:22 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Berlitz for Cows Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A man walked into a field where he overheard a conversation between two cows. One cow said to the other cow, "Moo." The other cow replied, "Baaa." "What, moo, you say, moo moo, that for, mooo?" Bessy asked. "You are not a... Continue Reading Posted at 5:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ford Replaces the Mustang With a Mule Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A man wanted to buy a mule made by FORD. However, in some third world countries it seems Ford dealers are run out of, believe it or not, monasteries. At these places, instead of Mustangs they sell mules. The man... Continue Reading Posted at 4:50 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 2. The program caused a constant drain on many resources and demanded constant attention.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Why Didn't OPUS Listen? Bill Belew April 4, 2006 Why didn't OPUS listen to this guy? "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."... Continue Reading Posted at 6:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 3	Blue Cross Blue Shield Doctors ask Bill Belew April 3, 2006 A Blue Cross doctor asked - If a doctor gets ill and another doctor doctors him, does the doctor doing the doctoring of the doctor, doctor the doctor the way the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored , or does the... Continue Reading Posted at 2:18 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It is better to be a live dog... Bill Belew April 3, 2006 It is better to be a live dog than a dead lion...some might say. But, what is the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer? There are skid marks before the dead lawyer.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:15 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	To the Wrigley's Gum Chewing Co-worker Bill Belew April 3, 2006 A man wrote to Ann Landers to get advice on what do to about his gum chewing, gum-cracking co-worker who seemed to be keeping Wrigley's Gum in business all by herself. Ann Landers responded with a poem that she had received and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:05 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 3, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Unfortunately she encountered a few bugs that I will share over the coming days. 1. Overall system activity became severely limited and she was compelled to instigate rigorous daily routines... Continue Reading Posted at 1:37 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Texas Instruments Missed This Piece of Advice Bill Belew April 3, 2006 Texas Instruments missed out on this insight - "Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1.5 tons." --... Continue Reading Posted at 11:11 AM \| Permalink \| Comments

« March 2006 | Main | May 2006 »

Apr30	You Know You're an Engineer (part 7) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Know More: Engineer 2.0, Engineer You know you're an engineer.... If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven. Posted at 4:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr30	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 5) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it FUTURISTIC - No other reason... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Switzerland Bill Belew April 30, 2006 On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. Then don't bring me a menu...just pour me another glass.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:07 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 6) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 16. Garbage - Getting it to the Curb. 17. #101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It - If You Really Try 18. #102... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr29	You Know You're an Engineer ( part 6) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies. If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area. If you carry on a one-hour debate over... Continue Reading Posted at 7:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 5) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 13. Reasons to give Flowers 14. How to stay awake after sex 15. Why it is Unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the Washroom... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Austria Bill Belew April 29, 2006 In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. I had to get my dictionary out for this one to make sure I didn't do it... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 4) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr28	You Know You're an Engineer (part 5) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out... Continue Reading Posted at 7:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	KMM Writers Go A-huntin in Utah Bill Belew April 28, 2006 It seems a bunch of KMM writers when hunting in Utah somewhere. The boss of the group decided it might be a good idea to practice camouflaging techniques. When all the men had taken position the boss went to a hilltop so that he... Continue Reading Posted at 4:29 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 3) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming FIELD-TESTED - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 4) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 10. Get a Life - Learn to Cook. 11. Spelling - Even you can get it right 12. You - The Weaker Sex... Continue Reading Posted at 12:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Moscow Bill Belew April 28, 2006 In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. But because the ground is usually frozen... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr27	You Know You're an Engineer (part 4) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' golf clubs. If you use a CAD... Continue Reading Posted at 7:09 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for... Continue Reading Posted at 5:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 3) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called "Don't Wash my Silks") 8. Parenting - No, it Doesn't End with Conception. 9. How not to Act... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We do not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas. GIVE US MONEY. 6. Understanding the Female Response... Continue Reading Posted at 12:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 27, 2006 you know they will say such nice things about you at your funeral but you know you will miss it by a few days. you read the obits every day and you can't understand how people always die in alphabetical order.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Japan Bill Belew April 27, 2006 In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. And then after that, you are invited to go to jail for being so stupid as to not know what it really means.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Gets Thrown Out of a San Jose Shark Hockey Arena Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A drunk decided he was going to go ice fishing. After gathering his gear he wandered around until he found a big patch of ice. He then headed into the center of the ice and began to saw a hole. All... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr26	You Know You are an Engineer Bill Belew April 26, 2006 You know you are an Engineer .... If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife". If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:55 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Leaves His Office After Getting Fired Bill Belew April 26, 2006 A man was driving home after being fired. That and having his wife leave him, he wondered if things could be worse. Without knowing it he was driving above the speed limit. He then saw a police car with its red lights... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Hi Tech Computer Sales Jargon Bill Belew April 26, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. NEW - Different color from previous design ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design EXCLUSIVE - Imported product... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know The Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 The clothes she has put away until they come back in style... caome back in style. All of her favorite movies are now revised in color. The car that he bought brand new becomes an antique. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 when you stop buying green bananas. when you realize the advantage to being your age is that there is no peer pressure. you understand that death is not the end; there remains the litigation over your estate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Yugoslavia Bill Belew April 26, 2006 In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. But, do I take them off before she does that?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr25	Foreign Signs - Athens Bill Belew April 25, 2006 In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. I wonder if the hours were expanded during the Olympics....or if that was when the policy... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men Bill Belew April 25, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do Housework 3. PMS - Learning When to Keep Your Mouth Shut ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Grand Cherokee for Sale Bill Belew April 25, 2006 This story is a little long, but indeed a crack up. A guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets ahold of his friend and they go... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know the Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when he was growing up. Her childhood toys are now in a museum. She keeps repeating herself. ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You're an Engineer part 3 Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail. If your wrist watch has more computing power than an Intel Pentium Processor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 25, 2006 It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything you start becoming a little forgetful, but you still like to give me advice. The other day I took my son aside and left him there. you are so old that bartenders... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr24	You Know You're an Engineer Part 2 Bill Belew April 24, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas. If Dilbert is your hero. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 24, 2006 the cardiologist's tells you with regard to your diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. the doctor tells you: I have good news and bad news: the good news is thatyou are not a hypochondriac. you don't need glasses... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Paris Bill Belew April 24, 2006 In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. Is this why my wife left me standing at the front desk?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 24, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Very early one morning two birds are... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 24, 2006 She keeps repeating herself. She begins to think that cafeteria food starts tasting GOOD. He refers to his $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi." He makes it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr23	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 23, 2006 you realize that time wounds all heels. you know that you should have taken better care of your knees; because you miss them now that they're gone. you see that you are becoming just like your great-grandchildren -- wearing diapers and using... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Belgrade Bill Belew April 23, 2006 In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. Is... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 23, 2006 She starts beating everyone else at trivia games. She frequently tells you others what a loaf of bread USED to cost. Her back goes out more often than she does.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr22	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 22, 2006 you realize the aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way thru Congress. your husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns. you notice that you... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Liepzig Bill Belew April 22, 2006 In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up. But, if I turn on the light, I wonder if the cord will reach from the ground floor to the top floor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 22, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked... Continue Reading Posted at 12:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 22, 2006 You find her mouth making promises her body can't keep. The waiter asks him how he'd like his steak...and he says "pureed". At parties he attends, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr21	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 21, 2006 experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again. you're old enough to know better, but you're too old to do it. you won't admit your more than 52, even if it does make your children illegitimate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Bucharest Bill Belew April 21, 2006 In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. I wonder if this has anything to do with why my wife says she doesn't want... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 21, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two atoms are walking down the street... Continue Reading Posted at 12:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 21, 2006 he comes to the conclusion that his worst enemy is gravity. it takes him all night to do what he used to do all night. he goes to a Garden Party and he is mainly interested in the garden.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:04 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr20	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 you stop taking life so seriously ... because it's not permanent. despite the cost of living, you still prefer that option to the alternative. you realize the trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Huh? Bill Belew April 20, 2006 In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis. I think I have stayed in this hotel....... Continue Reading Posted at 12:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 20, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. This guy goes into a restaurant for... Continue Reading Posted at 12:25 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 She runs out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs. She looks both ways before crossing a room. Her social security number only has three digits. She keeps repeating herself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr19	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 19, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Did you hear about the Buddhist who... Continue Reading Posted at 2:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 19, 2006 you don't worry about avoiding temptation because it starts to avoid you. you know you need to be nice to your children because they are going to choose your rest home. you realize the longer you live, the less future there... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 19, 2006 You discover the words, "whippersnapper", "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into his vocabulary. You see her on a TV game show and she decides to risk it all and go for the rocker. She begins every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr18	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 18, 2006 One of the throw pillows in the executive loung is a hot water bottle. Conversations with other executives their own age often turn into "dueling ailments". He keeps repeating himself. It takes her a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 "getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative. people ask you what you'd most appreciate getting and you tell them: a paternity suit. food has taken the place of sex in your life so much so... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets The Job Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two boll weevils grew up in South... Continue Reading Posted at 12:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	My Boss Retired... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 My boss' daughter decided her dad should be put in an old-folk's home because, well he was getting forgetful, among other things. The boss relunctantly agrees, and then recognized that he might actually enjoy being around other people who probably shared some of... Continue Reading Posted at 12:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Construction Crew Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A woman was asked about the construction crew that she was in charge of... Q: What's the difference between a man on your crew and a chimpanzee? A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching its butt and the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Employee Lounge Bill Belew April 18, 2006 There's a sign in the employee lounge at work.... Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it to take to clean up the sink in the employee lounge? A: Both of them. Q: How many honest,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr17	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You don't date women your own age because you can't find any. You stop aruging with your spouse for good because you can't hear each other. The only time you "woo woo" is when you are riding in an ambulance.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Albert Einstein Knows, Right? Bill Belew April 17, 2006 "There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will." -- Albert Einstein, 1932. ... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You see him leave work every day on time to watch a video he taped of daytime game shows. His new easy chair has more options than his car. You watch him do the "Hokey Pokey" at the company picnic and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 17, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A hungry lion was roaming through the... Continue Reading Posted at 1:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr16	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 16, 2006 When your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July. When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. When you wake up with that morning-after... Continue Reading Posted at 2:36 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Hope I Never Need an Operation Bill Belew April 16, 2006 Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria in 1873 counseled: "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." Well, at least I could have... Continue Reading Posted at 6:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 16, 2006 at the airport, you see the ticket agent ask him to check your bags...and he wasn't carrying any luggage. the Insurance Company has started sending him their free calendar... A month at a time. at the company cafeteria, you hear him complain that the... Continue Reading Posted at 2:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr15	Louie Louie! Bill Belew April 15, 2006 Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction," is what Pierred Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse said in 1872. Yeah, what do the French know anyway? They sold us half of the US for what a couple mil? Talk... Continue Reading Posted at 2:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is over the Hill when.... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 You discover that her measurements are now small, medium and large ... In that order. You light the candles on her birthday cake and a group of workers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya. Someone compliments her on her layered look...and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A doctor made it his regular habit... Continue Reading Posted at 2:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Time to Get Serious abt Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. When you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank ........ Continue Reading Posted at 2:11 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr14	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 14, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 11. Upon completion of a process, Husband 1.0 will often inadvertentlyapply the sleep command, or suspend system activity with a Ctrl ZZ.There is... Continue Reading Posted at 6:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Vacationing at Yosemite Bill Belew April 14, 2006 If you are planning to vacation in Yosemite you might try mountain climbing. In a worst case scenario the friendly rescue crews are right there if you need them.....in most cases....they are friendly, I mean. And if not you have... Continue Reading Posted at 3:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Happy Hour Bill Belew April 14, 2006 These guys have nothing to do but hang around bars at happy hour....and sure enough they are there again. This time a three legged dog walks in. The dog looks like something out of the old west. He sidles up... Continue Reading Posted at 2:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Stay Away from the Grand Canyon Bill Belew April 14, 2006 Lt. Joseph Ives of the US Army said after visiting the Grand Canyon in 1861: "Ours has been the first, and doubtless the last, to visit this profitless locality."... Continue Reading Posted at 2:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lesson # 3 from the Big Moo Bill Belew April 14, 2006 Uncle Shecky A woman from Ohio is walking in midtown Manhattan. She's a bit lost and then asks a man carrying a violin case, "Excuse me, sir. How do I get to Carnegie Hall? The violinist looks at her and says....... Continue Reading Posted at 2:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr13	If only Charles Darwin had known Bill Belew April 13, 2006 "I see no good reasons why the views given in this volume should shock the religious sensibilities of anyone." -- Charles Darwin, , The Origin Of Species, 1869. ... Continue Reading Posted at 6:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 13, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 10. Sometimes, Husband 1.0 will end a process prematurely, before youhave the required result. This generally results in spawned processesscattered over your system... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Last Bunch of Headlines We Do NOT Want to See at Knowmoremedia....for now Bill Belew April 13, 2006 The last bunch of headlines we do NOT want to see at KnowMoreMedia ....for now. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Child's Death Ruins Couple's Holiday Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years Man is Fatally... Continue Reading Posted at 3:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Happy Hour Bill Belew April 13, 2006 The two guys were back at the bar the next day during happy hour when this time a neutron walks in. The neutron jumps up on a stool and asks for a beer. The bartender delivers it. When the neutron... Continue Reading Posted at 2:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lesson # 2 from the Big Moo Bill Belew April 13, 2006 Uncle Shecky: A guy is walking to work one day and right outside his office he sees a penguin. He's startled, doesn't know what to do. So, he takes the penguin into his boss' office and asks his boss, "What... Continue Reading Posted at 2:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr12	Lesson # 1 From the Big Moo Bill Belew April 12, 2006 I finally got a hold of www.thebigmoo.com. I am just getting warmed up...I took it with me on the treadmill, so if truth be told, I really got hot. Anyway, there is a three act play in one section where... Continue Reading Posted at 5:23 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Margaret Thatcher Bill Belew April 12, 2006 The Iron Lady, Margaret Thatcher, predicted in 1974 - "It will be years -- not in my time -- before a woman will become Prime Minister."... Continue Reading Posted at 6:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 12, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 9. Another problem with Husband 1.0 is that it can alsospawn unknown child processes, which can sometimes inadvertently appear,make huge demands on the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Will He Ever Run Out of Headlines We Do NOT Want to See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 12, 2006 Okay, even I have a limited number of these funky headlines....unless somebody sends me some more. Here are a few more. Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984 Autos Killing 110 a Day, Let's Resolve to Do Better If Strike Isn't... Continue Reading Posted at 3:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Happy Hour Bill Belew April 12, 2006 A couple of guys were hanging out a bar during happy hour when, believe it or not a mushroom walked in. The mushroom jumped up on the bar stool and ordered a drink. The bartender said, "We don't serve no... Continue Reading Posted at 2:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr11	Two Walmart Rednecks Go Fishing Bill Belew April 11, 2006 Two Rednecks from a local Walmart decide they were going to go fishing on their next holiday. They buy all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.... Continue Reading Posted at 4:58 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Know More Media's Next Contest Bill Belew April 11, 2006 I have an idea for KnowMoreMedia's next contest. How about a pun writing contest? We have a lot of good writers and I know I am no challenge. So, somebody else can win. I entered a local paper's pun contest... Continue Reading Posted at 4:43 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	3M Post-it - The Literature Disagreed Bill Belew April 11, 2006 Spencer Silver confessed this about his work that led to the unique adhesives for 3M Post-it Notepad notepads. "If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do... Continue Reading Posted at 6:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 11, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 8. After a while, Husband 1.0 has a tendency to take up more spacethan originally allocated, often spreading in size and slowing downcorrespondingly.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Still More and More Headlines You Hope to Not See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 11, 2006 More and more headlines you hope to NOT see at KnowMoreMedia Miners Refuse to Work After Death Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies Two Sisters Reunite After Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter Never Withhold Herpes From Loved One Nicaragua... Continue Reading Posted at 3:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr10	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 10, 2006 You know your Boss is over the hill when... 1. You hear him listening to accordion music and liking it. 2. You see her sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps her cross her legs. 3. Keeping... Continue Reading Posted at 4:36 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Facing Retirement Bill Belew April 10, 2006 You know you should begin to think about retirement when - It happens more often that you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the the police. You have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one... Continue Reading Posted at 4:29 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Beatles Were on Their Way Out Bill Belew April 10, 2006 DECCA RECORDS rejected the BEATLES in 1962. "We don't like their sound, and guitar music in on the way out." Yep, the Beatles did indeed go way out.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 10, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 7. Husband 1.0 will frequently make use of low level language andmay not understand higher level commands.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Even Still More Headlines You Hope to Not See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 10, 2006 And here are even more headines we hope to Not see on KnowMoreMedia. How many can there be? Well, I have a few more days worth. Perhaps you have some to share...hint...hint...hint... Eye Drops Off Shelf Squad Helps Dog Bite... Continue Reading Posted at 2:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 9	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 9, 2006 Here is bug # 6. Every so often a new release of the program is promised, but unfortunately, upon loading this new release, it is generally foundto be almost identical to the old one, with very few feature changes andmost... Continue Reading Posted at 6:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	FEDEX Gets a 'C' Bill Belew April 9, 2006 A Yale Universtiy management professor told Fred Smith this about his paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found FEDEX ) "The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Still More Headlines You Hope to Not See on KnowMoremMedia Bill Belew April 9, 2006 Here are a few more headlines we hope to NOT find on KnowMoreMedia. Queen Mary having bottom scraped Is there a ring of debris around Uranus Prostitutes appeal to Pope Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over NJ judge to... Continue Reading Posted at 3:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 8	More Headlines You Hope to NOT See on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 8, 2006 Here are a few more headlines we hope to not find on KnowMoreMedia . Two convicts evade noose, jury hung William Kelly was fed secretary Milk drinkers are turning to powder Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted... Continue Reading Posted at 3:33 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 8, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 5. Every evening Husband 6.0 had a huge surge in demand for megabytesand if not satisfied, became unresponsive and at times caused damage... Continue Reading Posted at 6:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	XM Radio and Sirius are steeped in Stupidity Bill Belew April 8, 2006 What are satellite radio services XMRadio and SIRIUS thinking? I mean, David Sarnoff's associates told everyone who urged him to invest in the radio in 1920 - "The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for... Continue Reading Posted at 6:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 7	Headlines You Hope to NOT see on KnowMoreMedia Bill Belew April 7, 2006 I came across a whole slew of headlines that we hope to NOT see on KnowMoreMedia Grandmother of eight makes hole in one Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers House passes gas... Continue Reading Posted at 6:41 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Budweiser - Warning is Needed on the Label Bill Belew April 7, 2006 Budweiser needs to add a warning to their beer cans, much like the cigarette makers do especially after the shennanigans of these two men in South Africa. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	BOSS ENVY Bill Belew April 7, 2006 I don't know if this belongs in a humor blog or not...but it seemed funny to me. 54% of workers said they couldn't be paid enough to take their boss' job. (I am one of the 46% - they could... Continue Reading Posted at 8:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 7, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 4. In addition, Husband 1.0 often refused to respond to her commands and frequentlyappeared to be running processes which had not been authorized.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	ATT - Verizon - SBC - have blown it Bill Belew April 7, 2006 Western Union judged in an internal memo in 1876... "This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." It isn't much good to AT&T, VERIZON,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 6	Glacier National Park Vacation - Watch Out For the Squirrels Bill Belew April 6, 2006 And watch out for the rangers as well. At Glacier National Park a visitor tried to lure a ground squirrel nearer by dangling his car keys in front of the critter. The squirrel grabbed the keys and ran down a hole with... Continue Reading Posted at 10:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Planning a Vacation Bill Belew April 6, 2006 If you are planning your vacation, here are some "fun" events you may want to consider, as well as some facts about places in our great country and some laws you may need to be aware of: In Centralia, Washington, it... Continue Reading Posted at 9:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Need A Raise Bill Belew April 6, 2006 When Michael Jordan was playing basketball for the Chicago Bulls it was noted that: He would make over $300,000 a game: $10,000 a minute,assuming he averaged about 30 minutes per game. Assuming $40 million in endorsements each year, he would make $178,100... Continue Reading Posted at 9:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	KnowMoreMedia - Contest Winner Bill Belew April 6, 2006 A fair haired young women won the most recent KonwMoreMedia guest blogger contest. As a result she got a free trip to Las Vegas. As soon as she got there she walked up to a Coke machine and put in... Continue Reading Posted at 9:30 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Dell, Apple, Gateway? Did You listen? Bill Belew April 6, 2006 Ken Olsen, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corporation (for some reason, I remember this guy, in 1977 said, "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home? DELL, APPLE, GATEWAY .... Did you hear him? What... Continue Reading Posted at 6:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 5	The Art Studio Bill Belew April 5, 2006 Pablo Picasso walked out of an Art Studio after enjoying a display of his at a turn of the century exhibition. Just then a burglar came running out with some of Picasso's paintings. But thank goodness, Picasso got a good look... Continue Reading Posted at 7:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Walks into Home Depot Bill Belew April 5, 2006 Two men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked into the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The Home Depot clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check,"... Continue Reading Posted at 7:33 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Berlitz for Mice Bill Belew April 5, 2006 A man overheard this conversation between the momma mouse and the baby mouse. "Momma, whatcha studying?" "It's Berlitz for Mice, honey. Why do you ask?" "Well, whaddya need to study for?" "Let's take a walk and I'll show you why."... Continue Reading Posted at 7:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Mustangs and Chapstick Bill Belew April 5, 2006 A man couldn't afford a real www.mustang.com so he had to settle for the animal version. He also couldn't afford to buy www.chapstick.com. One day he rode into town and pulled up outside a saloon where he got off his horse. He... Continue Reading Posted at 7:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 5, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 3. She encountered an increased amount of interrupts and error messages, while the program often canceled processes without warning, very often crashing the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Tell Us, Intel. What is it good for? Bill Belew April 5, 2006 An engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM in 1968, had this comment about the microchip. "But, what....is it good for?" INTEL? What is it it good for?... Continue Reading Posted at 6:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 4	Elephants and Speedos Bill Belew April 4, 2006 Question: Why do elephants NOT wear Speedos? Answer: They have trouble keeping their trunks up.... Continue Reading Posted at 5:40 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Certs and Home Salon Foot Spray on a Honeymoon Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A handsome man and a beautiful girl met, fell in love, immediately got married and went on their honeymoon. On their wedding night, the bride went into the bathroom to freshen up. Unfortunately, she had bad breath so terrible she... Continue Reading Posted at 5:22 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Berlitz for Cows Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A man walked into a field where he overheard a conversation between two cows. One cow said to the other cow, "Moo." The other cow replied, "Baaa." "What, moo, you say, moo moo, that for, mooo?" Bessy asked. "You are not a... Continue Reading Posted at 5:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ford Replaces the Mustang With a Mule Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A man wanted to buy a mule made by FORD. However, in some third world countries it seems Ford dealers are run out of, believe it or not, monasteries. At these places, instead of Mustangs they sell mules. The man... Continue Reading Posted at 4:50 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 4, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Here is bug # 2. The program caused a constant drain on many resources and demanded constant attention.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Why Didn't OPUS Listen? Bill Belew April 4, 2006 Why didn't OPUS listen to this guy? "I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."... Continue Reading Posted at 6:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr 3	Blue Cross Blue Shield Doctors ask Bill Belew April 3, 2006 A Blue Cross doctor asked - If a doctor gets ill and another doctor doctors him, does the doctor doing the doctoring of the doctor, doctor the doctor the way the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored , or does the... Continue Reading Posted at 2:18 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It is better to be a live dog... Bill Belew April 3, 2006 It is better to be a live dog than a dead lion...some might say. But, what is the difference between a dead dog and a dead lawyer? There are skid marks before the dead lawyer.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:15 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	To the Wrigley's Gum Chewing Co-worker Bill Belew April 3, 2006 A man wrote to Ann Landers to get advice on what do to about his gum chewing, gum-cracking co-worker who seemed to be keeping Wrigley's Gum in business all by herself. Ann Landers responded with a poem that she had received and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:05 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Upgrading from Boyfriend 6.0 to Husband 1.0 Bill Belew April 3, 2006 A woman decided to upgrade from her boyfriend 6.0 to a Husband 1.0. Unfortunately she encountered a few bugs that I will share over the coming days. 1. Overall system activity became severely limited and she was compelled to instigate rigorous daily routines... Continue Reading Posted at 1:37 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Texas Instruments Missed This Piece of Advice Bill Belew April 3, 2006 Texas Instruments missed out on this insight - "Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and weigh only 1.5 tons." --... Continue Reading Posted at 11:11 AM \| Permalink \| Comments

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