AManWalksIntoAnOffice: April 2006 Archives

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Apr30	You Know You're an Engineer (part 7) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Know More: Engineer 2.0, Engineer You know you're an engineer.... If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven. Posted at 4:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr30	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 5) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it FUTURISTIC - No other reason... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Switzerland Bill Belew April 30, 2006 On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. Then don't bring me a menu...just pour me another glass.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:07 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 6) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 16. Garbage - Getting it to the Curb. 17. #101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It - If You Really Try 18. #102... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr29	You Know You're an Engineer ( part 6) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies. If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area. If you carry on a one-hour debate over... Continue Reading Posted at 7:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 5) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 13. Reasons to give Flowers 14. How to stay awake after sex 15. Why it is Unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the Washroom... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Austria Bill Belew April 29, 2006 In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. I had to get my dictionary out for this one to make sure I didn't do it... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 4) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr28	You Know You're an Engineer (part 5) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out... Continue Reading Posted at 7:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	KMM Writers Go A-huntin in Utah Bill Belew April 28, 2006 It seems a bunch of KMM writers when hunting in Utah somewhere. The boss of the group decided it might be a good idea to practice camouflaging techniques. When all the men had taken position the boss went to a hilltop so that he... Continue Reading Posted at 4:29 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 3) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming FIELD-TESTED - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 4) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 10. Get a Life - Learn to Cook. 11. Spelling - Even you can get it right 12. You - The Weaker Sex... Continue Reading Posted at 12:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Moscow Bill Belew April 28, 2006 In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. But because the ground is usually frozen... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr27	You Know You're an Engineer (part 4) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' golf clubs. If you use a CAD... Continue Reading Posted at 7:09 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for... Continue Reading Posted at 5:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 3) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called "Don't Wash my Silks") 8. Parenting - No, it Doesn't End with Conception. 9. How not to Act... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We do not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas. GIVE US MONEY. 6. Understanding the Female Response... Continue Reading Posted at 12:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 27, 2006 you know they will say such nice things about you at your funeral but you know you will miss it by a few days. you read the obits every day and you can't understand how people always die in alphabetical order.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Japan Bill Belew April 27, 2006 In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. And then after that, you are invited to go to jail for being so stupid as to not know what it really means.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Gets Thrown Out of a San Jose Shark Hockey Arena Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A drunk decided he was going to go ice fishing. After gathering his gear he wandered around until he found a big patch of ice. He then headed into the center of the ice and began to saw a hole. All... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr26	You Know You are an Engineer Bill Belew April 26, 2006 You know you are an Engineer .... If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife". If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:55 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Leaves His Office After Getting Fired Bill Belew April 26, 2006 A man was driving home after being fired. That and having his wife leave him, he wondered if things could be worse. Without knowing it he was driving above the speed limit. He then saw a police car with its red lights... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Hi Tech Computer Sales Jargon Bill Belew April 26, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. NEW - Different color from previous design ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design EXCLUSIVE - Imported product... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know The Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 The clothes she has put away until they come back in style... caome back in style. All of her favorite movies are now revised in color. The car that he bought brand new becomes an antique. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 when you stop buying green bananas. when you realize the advantage to being your age is that there is no peer pressure. you understand that death is not the end; there remains the litigation over your estate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Yugoslavia Bill Belew April 26, 2006 In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. But, do I take them off before she does that?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr25	Foreign Signs - Athens Bill Belew April 25, 2006 In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. I wonder if the hours were expanded during the Olympics....or if that was when the policy... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men Bill Belew April 25, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do Housework 3. PMS - Learning When to Keep Your Mouth Shut ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Grand Cherokee for Sale Bill Belew April 25, 2006 This story is a little long, but indeed a crack up. A guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets ahold of his friend and they go... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know the Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when he was growing up. Her childhood toys are now in a museum. She keeps repeating herself. ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You're an Engineer part 3 Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail. If your wrist watch has more computing power than an Intel Pentium Processor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 25, 2006 It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything you start becoming a little forgetful, but you still like to give me advice. The other day I took my son aside and left him there. you are so old that bartenders... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr24	You Know You're an Engineer Part 2 Bill Belew April 24, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas. If Dilbert is your hero. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 24, 2006 the cardiologist's tells you with regard to your diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. the doctor tells you: I have good news and bad news: the good news is thatyou are not a hypochondriac. you don't need glasses... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Paris Bill Belew April 24, 2006 In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. Is this why my wife left me standing at the front desk?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 24, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Very early one morning two birds are... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 24, 2006 She keeps repeating herself. She begins to think that cafeteria food starts tasting GOOD. He refers to his $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi." He makes it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr23	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 23, 2006 you realize that time wounds all heels. you know that you should have taken better care of your knees; because you miss them now that they're gone. you see that you are becoming just like your great-grandchildren -- wearing diapers and using... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Belgrade Bill Belew April 23, 2006 In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. Is... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 23, 2006 She starts beating everyone else at trivia games. She frequently tells you others what a loaf of bread USED to cost. Her back goes out more often than she does.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr22	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 22, 2006 you realize the aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way thru Congress. your husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns. you notice that you... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Liepzig Bill Belew April 22, 2006 In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up. But, if I turn on the light, I wonder if the cord will reach from the ground floor to the top floor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 22, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked... Continue Reading Posted at 12:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 22, 2006 You find her mouth making promises her body can't keep. The waiter asks him how he'd like his steak...and he says "pureed". At parties he attends, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr21	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 21, 2006 experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again. you're old enough to know better, but you're too old to do it. you won't admit your more than 52, even if it does make your children illegitimate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Bucharest Bill Belew April 21, 2006 In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. I wonder if this has anything to do with why my wife says she doesn't want... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 21, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two atoms are walking down the street... Continue Reading Posted at 12:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 21, 2006 he comes to the conclusion that his worst enemy is gravity. it takes him all night to do what he used to do all night. he goes to a Garden Party and he is mainly interested in the garden.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:04 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr20	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 you stop taking life so seriously ... because it's not permanent. despite the cost of living, you still prefer that option to the alternative. you realize the trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Huh? Bill Belew April 20, 2006 In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis. I think I have stayed in this hotel....... Continue Reading Posted at 12:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 20, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. This guy goes into a restaurant for... Continue Reading Posted at 12:25 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 She runs out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs. She looks both ways before crossing a room. Her social security number only has three digits. She keeps repeating herself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr19	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 19, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Did you hear about the Buddhist who... Continue Reading Posted at 2:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 19, 2006 you don't worry about avoiding temptation because it starts to avoid you. you know you need to be nice to your children because they are going to choose your rest home. you realize the longer you live, the less future there... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 19, 2006 You discover the words, "whippersnapper", "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into his vocabulary. You see her on a TV game show and she decides to risk it all and go for the rocker. She begins every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr18	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 18, 2006 One of the throw pillows in the executive loung is a hot water bottle. Conversations with other executives their own age often turn into "dueling ailments". He keeps repeating himself. It takes her a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 "getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative. people ask you what you'd most appreciate getting and you tell them: a paternity suit. food has taken the place of sex in your life so much so... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets The Job Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two boll weevils grew up in South... Continue Reading Posted at 12:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	My Boss Retired... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 My boss' daughter decided her dad should be put in an old-folk's home because, well he was getting forgetful, among other things. The boss relunctantly agrees, and then recognized that he might actually enjoy being around other people who probably shared some of... Continue Reading Posted at 12:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Construction Crew Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A woman was asked about the construction crew that she was in charge of... Q: What's the difference between a man on your crew and a chimpanzee? A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching its butt and the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Employee Lounge Bill Belew April 18, 2006 There's a sign in the employee lounge at work.... Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it to take to clean up the sink in the employee lounge? A: Both of them. Q: How many honest,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr17	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You don't date women your own age because you can't find any. You stop aruging with your spouse for good because you can't hear each other. The only time you "woo woo" is when you are riding in an ambulance.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Albert Einstein Knows, Right? Bill Belew April 17, 2006 "There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will." -- Albert Einstein, 1932. ... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You see him leave work every day on time to watch a video he taped of daytime game shows. His new easy chair has more options than his car. You watch him do the "Hokey Pokey" at the company picnic and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 17, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A hungry lion was roaming through the... Continue Reading Posted at 1:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr16	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 16, 2006 When your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July. When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. When you wake up with that morning-after... Continue Reading Posted at 2:36 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Hope I Never Need an Operation Bill Belew April 16, 2006 Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria in 1873 counseled: "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." Well, at least I could have... Continue Reading Posted at 6:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 16, 2006 at the airport, you see the ticket agent ask him to check your bags...and he wasn't carrying any luggage. the Insurance Company has started sending him their free calendar... A month at a time. at the company cafeteria, you hear him complain that the... Continue Reading Posted at 2:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr15	Louie Louie! Bill Belew April 15, 2006 Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction," is what Pierred Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse said in 1872. Yeah, what do the French know anyway? They sold us half of the US for what a couple mil? Talk... Continue Reading Posted at 2:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is over the Hill when.... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 You discover that her measurements are now small, medium and large ... In that order. You light the candles on her birthday cake and a group of workers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya. Someone compliments her on her layered look...and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A doctor made it his regular habit... Continue Reading Posted at 2:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Time to Get Serious abt Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. When you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were ch

Apr30	You Know You're an Engineer (part 7) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Know More: Engineer 2.0, Engineer You know you're an engineer.... If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment. If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is. If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven. Posted at 4:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr30	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 5) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it FUTURISTIC - No other reason... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Switzerland Bill Belew April 30, 2006 On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for. Then don't bring me a menu...just pour me another glass.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:07 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 6) Bill Belew April 30, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 16. Garbage - Getting it to the Curb. 17. #101 - You Can Fall Asleep Without It - If You Really Try 18. #102... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr29	You Know You're an Engineer ( part 6) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies. If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area. If you carry on a one-hour debate over... Continue Reading Posted at 7:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 5) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 13. Reasons to give Flowers 14. How to stay awake after sex 15. Why it is Unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere but the Washroom... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Austria Bill Belew April 29, 2006 In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. I had to get my dictionary out for this one to make sure I didn't do it... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 4) Bill Belew April 29, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr28	You Know You're an Engineer (part 5) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts. If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out... Continue Reading Posted at 7:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	KMM Writers Go A-huntin in Utah Bill Belew April 28, 2006 It seems a bunch of KMM writers when hunting in Utah somewhere. The boss of the group decided it might be a good idea to practice camouflaging techniques. When all the men had taken position the boss went to a hilltop so that he... Continue Reading Posted at 4:29 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (part 3) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming FIELD-TESTED - ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 4) Bill Belew April 28, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 10. Get a Life - Learn to Cook. 11. Spelling - Even you can get it right 12. You - The Weaker Sex... Continue Reading Posted at 12:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Moscow Bill Belew April 28, 2006 In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. But because the ground is usually frozen... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr27	You Know You're an Engineer (part 4) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place. If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' golf clubs. If you use a CAD... Continue Reading Posted at 7:09 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High Tech Computer Sales Jargon (Part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for... Continue Reading Posted at 5:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 3) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly called "Don't Wash my Silks") 8. Parenting - No, it Doesn't End with Conception. 9. How not to Act... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men (part 2) Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We do not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas. GIVE US MONEY. 6. Understanding the Female Response... Continue Reading Posted at 12:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 27, 2006 you know they will say such nice things about you at your funeral but you know you will miss it by a few days. you read the obits every day and you can't understand how people always die in alphabetical order.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Japan Bill Belew April 27, 2006 In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. And then after that, you are invited to go to jail for being so stupid as to not know what it really means.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Gets Thrown Out of a San Jose Shark Hockey Arena Bill Belew April 27, 2006 A drunk decided he was going to go ice fishing. After gathering his gear he wandered around until he found a big patch of ice. He then headed into the center of the ice and began to saw a hole. All... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr26	You Know You are an Engineer Bill Belew April 26, 2006 You know you are an Engineer .... If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife". If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner. If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:55 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Man Leaves His Office After Getting Fired Bill Belew April 26, 2006 A man was driving home after being fired. That and having his wife leave him, he wondered if things could be worse. Without knowing it he was driving above the speed limit. He then saw a police car with its red lights... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Hi Tech Computer Sales Jargon Bill Belew April 26, 2006 Buying a new PC or MAC? Here is the computer sales jargon you need to know w/translation. NEW - Different color from previous design ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous design EXCLUSIVE - Imported product... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know The Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 The clothes she has put away until they come back in style... caome back in style. All of her favorite movies are now revised in color. The car that he bought brand new becomes an antique. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 26, 2006 when you stop buying green bananas. when you realize the advantage to being your age is that there is no peer pressure. you understand that death is not the end; there remains the litigation over your estate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Yugoslavia Bill Belew April 26, 2006 In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. But, do I take them off before she does that?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr25	Foreign Signs - Athens Bill Belew April 25, 2006 In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. I wonder if the hours were expanded during the Olympics....or if that was when the policy... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Seminars for Men Bill Belew April 25, 2006 A woman went into business offering seminars for men. Here are some of the course offerings: 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do Housework 3. PMS - Learning When to Keep Your Mouth Shut ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Grand Cherokee for Sale Bill Belew April 25, 2006 This story is a little long, but indeed a crack up. A guy buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for 30 some thousand dollars and has 400+ dollar monthly payments. He immediately gets ahold of his friend and they go... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know the Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when he was growing up. Her childhood toys are now in a museum. She keeps repeating herself. ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You're an Engineer part 3 Bill Belew April 25, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes. If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail. If your wrist watch has more computing power than an Intel Pentium Processor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 25, 2006 It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything you start becoming a little forgetful, but you still like to give me advice. The other day I took my son aside and left him there. you are so old that bartenders... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr24	You Know You're an Engineer Part 2 Bill Belew April 24, 2006 You know you're an engineer.... If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas. If Dilbert is your hero. If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:57 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 24, 2006 the cardiologist's tells you with regard to your diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. the doctor tells you: I have good news and bad news: the good news is thatyou are not a hypochondriac. you don't need glasses... Continue Reading Posted at 12:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Paris Bill Belew April 24, 2006 In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. Is this why my wife left me standing at the front desk?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 24, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Very early one morning two birds are... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 24, 2006 She keeps repeating herself. She begins to think that cafeteria food starts tasting GOOD. He refers to his $2500 stereo system as "The Hi-Fi." He makes it a point to attend all the RV shows that come to town.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr23	You Know You Need Life Insurance When.... Bill Belew April 23, 2006 you realize that time wounds all heels. you know that you should have taken better care of your knees; because you miss them now that they're gone. you see that you are becoming just like your great-grandchildren -- wearing diapers and using... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Belgrade Bill Belew April 23, 2006 In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. Is... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 23, 2006 She starts beating everyone else at trivia games. She frequently tells you others what a loaf of bread USED to cost. Her back goes out more often than she does.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr22	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 22, 2006 you realize the aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way thru Congress. your husband always mourns: the less and less we feel our oats, the more we feel our corns. you notice that you... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Liepzig Bill Belew April 22, 2006 In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up. But, if I turn on the light, I wonder if the cord will reach from the ground floor to the top floor.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 22, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked... Continue Reading Posted at 12:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 22, 2006 You find her mouth making promises her body can't keep. The waiter asks him how he'd like his steak...and he says "pureed". At parties he attends, "regularity" is considered the topic of choice. He keeps repeating himself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr21	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 21, 2006 experience teaches you to recognize a mistake when you've made it again. you're old enough to know better, but you're too old to do it. you won't admit your more than 52, even if it does make your children illegitimate.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Bucharest Bill Belew April 21, 2006 In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. I wonder if this has anything to do with why my wife says she doesn't want... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 21, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two atoms are walking down the street... Continue Reading Posted at 12:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 21, 2006 he comes to the conclusion that his worst enemy is gravity. it takes him all night to do what he used to do all night. he goes to a Garden Party and he is mainly interested in the garden.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:04 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr20	You Know You Need Life Insurance When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 you stop taking life so seriously ... because it's not permanent. despite the cost of living, you still prefer that option to the alternative. you realize the trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Foreign Signs - Huh? Bill Belew April 20, 2006 In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis. I think I have stayed in this hotel....... Continue Reading Posted at 12:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 20, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. This guy goes into a restaurant for... Continue Reading Posted at 12:25 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 20, 2006 She runs out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs. She looks both ways before crossing a room. Her social security number only has three digits. She keeps repeating herself.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr19	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 19, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Did you hear about the Buddhist who... Continue Reading Posted at 2:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 19, 2006 you don't worry about avoiding temptation because it starts to avoid you. you know you need to be nice to your children because they are going to choose your rest home. you realize the longer you live, the less future there... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 19, 2006 You discover the words, "whippersnapper", "scalawag" and "by-cracky" creeping into his vocabulary. You see her on a TV game show and she decides to risk it all and go for the rocker. She begins every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr18	Your Boss is Over the Hill When Bill Belew April 18, 2006 One of the throw pillows in the executive loung is a hot water bottle. Conversations with other executives their own age often turn into "dueling ailments". He keeps repeating himself. It takes her a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know You Need Life Insurance When... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 "getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative. people ask you what you'd most appreciate getting and you tell them: a paternity suit. food has taken the place of sex in your life so much so... Continue Reading Posted at 12:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets The Job Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two boll weevils grew up in South... Continue Reading Posted at 12:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	My Boss Retired... Bill Belew April 18, 2006 My boss' daughter decided her dad should be put in an old-folk's home because, well he was getting forgetful, among other things. The boss relunctantly agrees, and then recognized that he might actually enjoy being around other people who probably shared some of... Continue Reading Posted at 12:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Construction Crew Bill Belew April 18, 2006 A woman was asked about the construction crew that she was in charge of... Q: What's the difference between a man on your crew and a chimpanzee? A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching its butt and the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Employee Lounge Bill Belew April 18, 2006 There's a sign in the employee lounge at work.... Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it to take to clean up the sink in the employee lounge? A: Both of them. Q: How many honest,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr17	You Know You Need Life Insurance when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You don't date women your own age because you can't find any. You stop aruging with your spouse for good because you can't hear each other. The only time you "woo woo" is when you are riding in an ambulance.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Albert Einstein Knows, Right? Bill Belew April 17, 2006 "There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable. It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will." -- Albert Einstein, 1932. ... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 17, 2006 You see him leave work every day on time to watch a video he taped of daytime game shows. His new easy chair has more options than his car. You watch him do the "Hokey Pokey" at the company picnic and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 17, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A hungry lion was roaming through the... Continue Reading Posted at 1:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr16	You Know You Need Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 16, 2006 When your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July. When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. When you wake up with that morning-after... Continue Reading Posted at 2:36 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Hope I Never Need an Operation Bill Belew April 16, 2006 Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria in 1873 counseled: "The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon." Well, at least I could have... Continue Reading Posted at 6:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is Over the Hill when Bill Belew April 16, 2006 at the airport, you see the ticket agent ask him to check your bags...and he wasn't carrying any luggage. the Insurance Company has started sending him their free calendar... A month at a time. at the company cafeteria, you hear him complain that the... Continue Reading Posted at 2:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Apr15	Louie Louie! Bill Belew April 15, 2006 Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction," is what Pierred Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse said in 1872. Yeah, what do the French know anyway? They sold us half of the US for what a couple mil? Talk... Continue Reading Posted at 2:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Your Boss is over the Hill when.... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 You discover that her measurements are now small, medium and large ... In that order. You light the candles on her birthday cake and a group of workers form a circle and start singing Kumbaya. Someone compliments her on her layered look...and... Continue Reading Posted at 2:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man walks into an office to apply for a job. He was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. A doctor made it his regular habit... Continue Reading Posted at 2:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Time to Get Serious abt Life Insurance when... Bill Belew April 15, 2006 When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. When you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started. When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.... Continue Reading Posted at 2:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Best Pun Gets the Job Bill Belew April 15, 2006 A man was told that whoever came up with the best pun would get the job. This is what he came up with. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were ch

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