AManWalksIntoAnOffice: July 2006 Archives

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Jul31	Business Signs - Part 3 Bill Belew July 31, 2006 Know More: Business Quotes 2.0, Business Quotes At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot. Posted at 5:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul31	"I Was Expecting the Baker" Bill Belew July 31, 2006 An unidentified woman, according to the San Jose Mercury news was climbing into the bathtub one afternoon when she remembered she had left some muffins in the oven. Naked, she dashed downstairs and was removing the muffins when she heard a noise at... Continue Reading Posted at 5:28 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 6 Bill Belew July 31, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:31 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 17 Bill Belew July 31, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHAT ARE THE PERSONAL QUALITIES... Continue Reading Posted at 5:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Bob Dole On Losing the Presidential Election Bill Belew July 31, 2006 Bob Dole agreed to do a tv commercial ad for a credit card company after he lost the 1996 presidential election. When asked why, he replied - "It's a nice break from working on my inaugural address." And it beats... Continue Reading Posted at 12:07 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul30	Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch (tm) Bill Belew July 30, 2006 Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen.A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?A:... Continue Reading Posted at 4:53 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Why Learn Chinese Bill Belew July 30, 2006 A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The Adoption Agency called and told them they had a wonderful Chinese baby girl, and the couple took her without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption... Continue Reading Posted at 4:44 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Plate For Hollandaise Bill Belew July 30, 2006 A man goes to his dentist because he feels something wrong in hismouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man... Continue Reading Posted at 3:41 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 2 Bill Belew July 30, 2006 In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." From a brochure of a Tokyo car-rental company: "When... Continue Reading Posted at 6:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul29	I Just Need One Copy Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A young executive of ebay EBAY was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can... Continue Reading Posted at 5:04 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Blind Customer Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into an Apple Bees APPPB. The man picked up his dog by the tail and starting swinging him around over his head. The bartender rushed over and asked, "Can I help you, sir?". ... Continue Reading Posted at 4:25 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Stupid Boss Bill Belew July 29, 2006 Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other: "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... You don't believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng... Continue Reading Posted at 3:53 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Phone Call Made From An Office Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady... Continue Reading Posted at 3:46 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Advice from A Shrink Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor... Continue Reading Posted at 3:39 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul28	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 16 Bill Belew July 28, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 5 Bill Belew July 28, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 6 Bill Belew July 28, 2006 Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect. Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failureare inherited things. Aussies: Seem to think that none of this... Continue Reading Posted at 6:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ford Motor Blew it Again.... Bill Belew July 28, 2006 Ford Motor Co. moved the horn from the turn signal lever to the steering wheen on many 1984 models. When asked why, Louis Lataif, a Ford Division General Manager explained - "It's where dealers tell us God intended the horn... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul27	Hickory Daiquiri Bill Belew July 27, 2006 A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Office Quotes Bill Belew July 27, 2006 "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. "I took an IQ test and the results were negative." "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills... Continue Reading Posted at 6:29 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	How a Salesman save your life Bill Belew July 27, 2006 A traveler became lost in the desert region of Algeria. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. Reduced to crawling,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 5 Bill Belew July 27, 2006 Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on anisland. Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquorin a backwards country. Canadians:... Continue Reading Posted at 6:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Merisel Computer Distributor Bill Belew July 27, 2006 Executive Casey Hughes of computer distributorship Merisel weighed in on the affects of Intel's Pentium chip crisis in 1995. "It's such a very small percent of total users that would be impacted in any way as to be nonimpactful." Let's... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul26	Trump Tower - Insider Info Bill Belew July 26, 2006 A resident of Trump Towers offered some inside information on the mischief that goes on in the building. "There are workaholics who spend most of the night in these boardrooms. You see who's bleeping whom, and I don't mean just... Continue Reading Posted at 4:51 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I'm Already Here Bill Belew July 26, 2006 It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	He Who Has A Tate's Is Lost Bill Belew July 26, 2006 There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was theirlife's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company. Luck was with them, for the first contract they... Continue Reading Posted at 12:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Am The Aunt Bill Belew July 26, 2006 At a Walgreens pharmacy, a woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by... Continue Reading Posted at 11:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 4 Bill Belew July 26, 2006 Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels. Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one... Continue Reading Posted at 6:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul25	Business Signs - Part 1 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your best to alarm the hotelporter." In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid." Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Dresses for street... Continue Reading Posted at 9:59 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lee Iacocca of Chryslet Bill Belew July 25, 2006 Lee Iacocca, chairman of Chrysler received $20 million in total compensation while the firm was cutting employee merit pay - "That's the American way. If little kids don't aspire to make money like I did, what the hell good is... Continue Reading Posted at 4:48 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 15 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 4 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 3 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. Brits: Do not sing at all... Continue Reading Posted at 6:07 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul24	Top Up Bill Belew July 24, 2006 I remember the night I was working as a flight attendant at Korean Air on the red-eye to Manila. A water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the aft cabin of our 747. A very sleepy woman who had... Continue Reading Posted at 11:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 2 Bill Belew July 24, 2006 Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Investment Strategy Bill Belew July 24, 2006 Sidney Homer of Salomon Brothers is an analyst. "$1000 left to earn interest at 8 percent will grow to $43 quadrillion in 400 years, but the first 100 years are the hardest." Well, I reckon I'd better get started if... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul23	How Hoy The Lawyer Died - UPI, Toronto Bill Belew July 23, 2006 Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of... Continue Reading Posted at 7:40 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Diffrerences - Part 1 Bill Belew July 23, 2006 Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belongto your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care ofthemselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul22	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 14 Bill Belew July 22, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Speed Limit Bill Belew July 22, 2006 A cop pulls over a car load of nuns.... Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?" Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65." Cop: "Oh sister, that's... Continue Reading Posted at 6:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 3 Bill Belew July 22, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Mr. Toyota Does Not Want A New Wife Bill Belew July 22, 2006 Mr. Toyota doesn't always go for a drink after work, sometimes he plays tennis with his old friend Mr Honda. One day they are playing again after a long day at work. At one point, the ball rolls into some bushes and, when... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul21	Guess Bill Belew July 21, 2006 In a zoology lab, the professor gives his teaching assistant a bird's foot and tells him: By visual examination of this extremity, you must tell me the family, genus, and species of the animal as well as its migratory habits and the number... Continue Reading Posted at 4:33 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	4 Answers Bill Belew July 21, 2006 Four business men were walking down the street: a Saudi, a Russian, aNorth Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up andsays, "Excuse me,what is your opinion about the meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"... Continue Reading Posted at 3:21 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Treasury Secretary William E. Simon Bill Belew July 21, 2006 Former Treasure Secretary William E. Simon had to go to extremes to make a point - heart surgery. "It proved that I had a heart, which surprised a lot of people". But, what would he do if somebody said he... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Switched Bill Belew July 21, 2006 This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be... Continue Reading Posted at 12:30 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul20	Watergate's G. Gordon Liddy Bill Belew July 20, 2006 Thomas Ferraro was president of a new security firm founded by Watergate's G. Gordon Liddy. He shared his strategy for attracting business - "We hope Mr. Liddy's infamy will work in reverse." It worked for Martha Stewart, didn't it?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Wise Comments Bill Belew July 20, 2006 A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Better Quit Drinking Bill Belew July 20, 2006 Tony the juggler was driving to his next performance one day, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah. let me see." So the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Mr. Toyota and His Guts Bill Belew July 20, 2006 Mr. and Mrs. Toyota had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only frictions in their marriage were caused by the husband's habit of coming home late and drunk after work almost every night, and breaking wind nearly every morning... Continue Reading Posted at 12:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul19	An Engineer's Question Bill Belew July 19, 2006 A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailing awayahead of... Continue Reading Posted at 6:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 13 Bill Belew July 19, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:33 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 18 Bill Belew July 19, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 2 Bill Belew July 19, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Postmaster General Anthony Frank Bill Belew July 19, 2006 The US Postmaster General Anthony Frank almost reduced the size of the Postal Service's annual deficit - "I never thought I'd see the day I would be bragging about potentially losing 'only' a billion dollars, but i guess that day... Continue Reading Posted at 12:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul18	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 17 Bill Belew July 18, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:31 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 12 Bill Belew July 18, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHY DO LOVERS OFTEN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ford Motor Co. Chairman, Alex Trotman Bill Belew July 18, 2006 Alex Trotman, former chairman of Ford Motor Co. "We're always concerned about what's going to happen, because we're almost always wrong about the future." And Ford Motor Co. is STILL wrong........ Continue Reading Posted at 12:39 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul17	Operation Efficiency Bill Belew July 17, 2006 A man goes to a busy restaurant and sits down at the only empty table. As he sits down, he accidentally knocks the spoon off the table with his elbow. The waiter immediately takes a spoon from his pocket and... Continue Reading Posted at 10:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 16 Bill Belew July 17, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 9 Bill Belew July 17, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We... Continue Reading Posted at 3:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Termite Killer Chlordane Bill Belew July 17, 2006 Othal Brand was a board member of the Texas pesiticide regulatory board. This is what he had to say about Chlordane. "Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway." So,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul16	What My Wife Wishes I Would do In Our Home - Part 1 Bill Belew July 16, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 5:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Long Time at the Home Depot Bill Belew July 16, 2006 Two men in a pickup truck drove into The Home Depot. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went... Continue Reading Posted at 1:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Never Out Run A Bear? Bill Belew July 16, 2006 Sam and Dave work at the same office, and they both like camping in the wilderness. Once when they are camping at Rancho San Antonio, Sam turns and notices a bear about a mile behind them. They decide to pick up... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High-Tech Bill Belew July 16, 2006 Bill is on a short business trip to San Francisco. While waiting for his flight which leaves a 6:00 at the Cincinnati Airport, he relizes that he has forgotten his watch, so he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots... Continue Reading Posted at 12:35 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul15	Ask The Therapist Bill Belew July 15, 2006 Bob had a terrible stuttering problem and was starting to get depressed about it. His therapist told him to do something exciting to get his mind off of his problem. The therapist recommended sky-diving. One day Bob went up with... Continue Reading Posted at 1:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Stop or Slow Down? Bill Belew July 15, 2006 An LAPD police officer. who was "sitting" at a stop sign, watched a man roll through the intersection without stopping. He pulled the driver over and requested to see the driver's licenseand registration. The driver asked, "But officer, why'd you stop... Continue Reading Posted at 1:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul14	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 15 Bill Belew July 14, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 8 Bill Belew July 14, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. - I... Continue Reading Posted at 6:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	President JFK on Businessmen Bill Belew July 14, 2006 President JFK had a showdown in 1962 with US Steel over price hikes. "My father always told me that all businessmen are sons of bitches, but I never believed it until now." And to think, that's just their mothers that... Continue Reading Posted at 12:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul13	Died At Work - Part 4 Bill Belew July 13, 2006 George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I., narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene tosearch for files. The remaining wall then... Continue Reading Posted at 12:53 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 7 Bill Belew July 13, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out), diahoah(*crossed... Continue Reading Posted at 6:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 14 Bill Belew July 13, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	R.O.S. Head Service Bill Belew July 13, 2006 R. O. S. Head Service collects waste from boat toilets at a marina in Washington state. "There isn't a big line (of competitors) forming. It's not a particularly attractive vocation." But, somebody's gotta do it...and the guy with the keys... Continue Reading Posted at 12:31 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rule of Thumb Bill Belew July 13, 2006 The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul12	Would you like some fries? Bill Belew July 12, 2006 I went into a McDonalds yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" ... Continue Reading Posted at 11:47 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Died At Work - Part 3 Bill Belew July 12, 2006 A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river on his way home after work. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore-where a tree blew over and killed him.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 6 Bill Belew July 12, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Ron was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:11 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 13 Bill Belew July 12, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Tokyo Stock Exchange Bill Belew July 12, 2006 Japan is slow to change. Japan is slow to outside influence. Japan is slow... When Congressman Charles Schumer of NY was asked about the movement to allow foreign firms on the Tokyo Stock Exchange, he replied - "It's pretty much... Continue Reading Posted at 12:28 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul11	Died At Work - Part 2 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old software engineer was so afraid of dentists that he asked a fellow geek to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 5 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 12 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 11 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHY DO LOVERS OFTEN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Making the Best of Mad Cow Disease Bill Belew July 11, 2006 An English Farmer put advertising signs over his cattle during a mad cow disease scare. He explained - "The cows are filling their bellies every day, so they might as well pay for their upkeep." And now, my wife makes me... Continue Reading Posted at 12:25 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul10	Died At Work - Part 1 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Mike Stewart was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge-killing him.... Continue Reading Posted at 11:50 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 10 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW DO PEOPLE IN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 4 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 11 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 5:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Signature Eyewear - Help Wanted Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Signature Eyewear CEO, Bernard Weiss commented on how difficult it is to get work sometimes. "Thank God, I started the company, because otherwise I couldn't get a job here." Nor would he hire me or anybody else.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 9	Insurance Against Iimpregnation By An Alien Bill Belew July 9, 2006 Goodfellow Rebecca Ingrams Pearson, an insurer broker, sells the policies for $210 a year. "So far we've had everyone from 18-year-oldsto pensioners taking out the policy, but I don't anticipate very manysuccessful claims," said Managing Director Simon Burgess. The broker... Continue Reading Posted at 11:35 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 3 Bill Belew July 9, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 5 Bill Belew July 9, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove that fact is stranger than fiction. A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next... Continue Reading Posted at 6:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 8	Apology Bill Belew July 8, 2006 "Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18 inch pizza and not a huge18 inch penis, as described in an add. Blondie's Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday's ad may have caused." - Correction printed in The... Continue Reading Posted at 11:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 4 Bill Belew July 8, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was inthe house in the kitchen. The man was racing the... Continue Reading Posted at 10:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	How to make $1.25 million in 7 years Bill Belew July 8, 2006 The family of Molly Cohen, an amputee who was buried without her legs, received $1.25 million in punitive and compensatory damages from a funeral home guilty of losing the legs. Cohen's legs were amputated in 1986 and were given to... Continue Reading Posted at 10:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 2 Bill Belew July 8, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Chris will not be in school because he has an acre... Continue Reading Posted at 5:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 7	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 10 Bill Belew July 7, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 9 Bill Belew July 7, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW DO PEOPLE IN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 1 Bill Belew July 7, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan.... Continue Reading Posted at 5:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Chinese Entrepreneurs Bill Belew July 7, 2006 Wang Chien-Shein, vice minister for economic affairs in Taiwan explained why there are so many small businesses on the island. "We say here that everybody wants to be a chicken's head, not a bull's toenail." Dang it! So, that means... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 6	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 3 Bill Belew July 6, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. - A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation... Continue Reading Posted at 6:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 8 Bill Belew July 6, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 9 Bill Belew July 6, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(last one for now) Bill Belew July 6, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... Her favorite actors are Gomer Pile, Goober, and Barney Fife. Her pet parrot knows how to whistle the song to "the Andy Griffith Show." He has a gun rack on his bicycle. Going... Continue Reading Posted at 3:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Michael Eisner of Disney Bill Belew July 6, 2006 Michael Fuchs was chairman of HBO and Warner Music, Inc. when he had this to say about another Michael and the outlook of Walt Disney under his direction. "You can never bet against Michael Eisner. He's a real businessman. He... Continue Reading Posted at 12:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 5	Superman Bill Belew July 5, 2006 Back in his glory days, Muhammad Ali got on an United plane and failed to fasten his seatbelt. When the stewardess reminded Ali to fasten his belt, the fighter replied, "Superman don't need seat belt." To that, the stewardess replied, "Superman don't need no... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	"Puta! Puta! Puta!" Bill Belew July 5, 2006 A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!"... Continue Reading Posted at 6:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 8 Bill Belew July 5, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 7 Bill Belew July 5, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN... Continue Reading Posted at 5:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(part 25) Bill Belew July 5, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... The primary color of her car is "Bondo". Directions to her house include: "turn off the paved road". Lawn ornamentation means a Chevy and a Buick.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 4	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 2 Bill Belew July 4, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. - A woman with shortness on breath and who weighed approximately 500 lbs was dragged into the ER on a tarp by six firemen. ... Continue Reading Posted at 1:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Who signed the Declaration of Independence? Bill Belew July 4, 2006 Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Go Rabbit Bill Belew July 4, 2006 The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test.He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to... Continue Reading Posted at 6:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 7 Bill Belew July 4, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(part 23) Bill Belew July 4, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... He has any relatives named "Elmer" or "Jed." His girlfriend thinks the way he picks his nose is cute. He wishes his house looked like the one on the beginning of "Beverly Hillbillies"... Continue Reading Posted at 3:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 3	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 1 Bill Belew July 3, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. - A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a... Continue Reading Posted at 1:25 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Arrested Bill Belew July 3, 2006 When two employees at Shell refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	50,000 Strips of Paper Bill Belew July 3, 2006 Economy professor John Packer at USC labored 13 years on a book about American economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when his TA confused the... Continue Reading Posted at 11:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Record broken Bill Belew July 3, 2006 NUMMI trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. The film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries... Continue Reading Posted at 10:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 6 Bill Belew July 3, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHAT is FALLING IN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:39 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 6 Bill Belew July 3, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 1	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 5 Bill Belew July 1, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHAT is FALLING IN... Continue Reading Posted at 5:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(part 22) Bill Belew July 1, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... He wears a belt buckle that weighs more than three pounds. He has ever been to a funeral or wedding where there were more pickup trucks than cars. His all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball... Continue Reading Posted at 3:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments

« June 2006 | Main | August 2006 »

Jul31	Business Signs - Part 3 Bill Belew July 31, 2006 Know More: Business Quotes 2.0, Business Quotes At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container. In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager. On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot. Posted at 5:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul31	"I Was Expecting the Baker" Bill Belew July 31, 2006 An unidentified woman, according to the San Jose Mercury news was climbing into the bathtub one afternoon when she remembered she had left some muffins in the oven. Naked, she dashed downstairs and was removing the muffins when she heard a noise at... Continue Reading Posted at 5:28 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 6 Bill Belew July 31, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:31 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 17 Bill Belew July 31, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHAT ARE THE PERSONAL QUALITIES... Continue Reading Posted at 5:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Bob Dole On Losing the Presidential Election Bill Belew July 31, 2006 Bob Dole agreed to do a tv commercial ad for a credit card company after he lost the 1996 presidential election. When asked why, he replied - "It's a nice break from working on my inaugural address." And it beats... Continue Reading Posted at 12:07 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul30	Tech Support for Etch-A-Sketch (tm) Bill Belew July 30, 2006 Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen.A: Pick it up and shake it. Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?A:... Continue Reading Posted at 4:53 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Why Learn Chinese Bill Belew July 30, 2006 A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The Adoption Agency called and told them they had a wonderful Chinese baby girl, and the couple took her without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption... Continue Reading Posted at 4:44 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Plate For Hollandaise Bill Belew July 30, 2006 A man goes to his dentist because he feels something wrong in hismouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man... Continue Reading Posted at 3:41 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 2 Bill Belew July 30, 2006 In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time." In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here." From a brochure of a Tokyo car-rental company: "When... Continue Reading Posted at 6:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul29	I Just Need One Copy Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A young executive of ebay EBAY was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can... Continue Reading Posted at 5:04 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Blind Customer Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into an Apple Bees APPPB. The man picked up his dog by the tail and starting swinging him around over his head. The bartender rushed over and asked, "Can I help you, sir?". ... Continue Reading Posted at 4:25 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Stupid Boss Bill Belew July 29, 2006 Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and one of them said to the other: "Hey I tell you my driver is really stupid... You don't believe? Let me show you." and he called his driver Ah Beng... Continue Reading Posted at 3:53 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Phone Call Made From An Office Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid.", answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady... Continue Reading Posted at 3:46 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Advice from A Shrink Bill Belew July 29, 2006 A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor... Continue Reading Posted at 3:39 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul28	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 16 Bill Belew July 28, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 5 Bill Belew July 28, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 6 Bill Belew July 28, 2006 Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect. Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failureare inherited things. Aussies: Seem to think that none of this... Continue Reading Posted at 6:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ford Motor Blew it Again.... Bill Belew July 28, 2006 Ford Motor Co. moved the horn from the turn signal lever to the steering wheen on many 1984 models. When asked why, Louis Lataif, a Ford Division General Manager explained - "It's where dealers tell us God intended the horn... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul27	Hickory Daiquiri Bill Belew July 27, 2006 A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Office Quotes Bill Belew July 27, 2006 "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes." "When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS. "I took an IQ test and the results were negative." "Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills... Continue Reading Posted at 6:29 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	How a Salesman save your life Bill Belew July 27, 2006 A traveler became lost in the desert region of Algeria. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. Reduced to crawling,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 5 Bill Belew July 27, 2006 Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on anisland. Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquorin a backwards country. Canadians:... Continue Reading Posted at 6:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Merisel Computer Distributor Bill Belew July 27, 2006 Executive Casey Hughes of computer distributorship Merisel weighed in on the affects of Intel's Pentium chip crisis in 1995. "It's such a very small percent of total users that would be impacted in any way as to be nonimpactful." Let's... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul26	Trump Tower - Insider Info Bill Belew July 26, 2006 A resident of Trump Towers offered some inside information on the mischief that goes on in the building. "There are workaholics who spend most of the night in these boardrooms. You see who's bleeping whom, and I don't mean just... Continue Reading Posted at 4:51 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I'm Already Here Bill Belew July 26, 2006 It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	He Who Has A Tate's Is Lost Bill Belew July 26, 2006 There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was theirlife's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company. Luck was with them, for the first contract they... Continue Reading Posted at 12:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	I Am The Aunt Bill Belew July 26, 2006 At a Walgreens pharmacy, a woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by... Continue Reading Posted at 11:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 4 Bill Belew July 26, 2006 Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels. Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one... Continue Reading Posted at 6:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul25	Business Signs - Part 1 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your best to alarm the hotelporter." In a Yugoslavian hotel: "The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid." Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Dresses for street... Continue Reading Posted at 9:59 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lee Iacocca of Chryslet Bill Belew July 25, 2006 Lee Iacocca, chairman of Chrysler received $20 million in total compensation while the firm was cutting employee merit pay - "That's the American way. If little kids don't aspire to make money like I did, what the hell good is... Continue Reading Posted at 4:48 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 15 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 4 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 3 Bill Belew July 25, 2006 Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. Brits: Do not sing at all... Continue Reading Posted at 6:07 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul24	Top Up Bill Belew July 24, 2006 I remember the night I was working as a flight attendant at Korean Air on the red-eye to Manila. A water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the aft cabin of our 747. A very sleepy woman who had... Continue Reading Posted at 11:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Differences - Part 2 Bill Belew July 24, 2006 Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Investment Strategy Bill Belew July 24, 2006 Sidney Homer of Salomon Brothers is an analyst. "$1000 left to earn interest at 8 percent will grow to $43 quadrillion in 400 years, but the first 100 years are the hardest." Well, I reckon I'd better get started if... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul23	How Hoy The Lawyer Died - UPI, Toronto Bill Belew July 23, 2006 Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of... Continue Reading Posted at 7:40 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Attitude Diffrerences - Part 1 Bill Belew July 23, 2006 Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belongto your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care ofthemselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul22	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 14 Bill Belew July 22, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Speed Limit Bill Belew July 22, 2006 A cop pulls over a car load of nuns.... Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?" Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65." Cop: "Oh sister, that's... Continue Reading Posted at 6:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 3 Bill Belew July 22, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Mr. Toyota Does Not Want A New Wife Bill Belew July 22, 2006 Mr. Toyota doesn't always go for a drink after work, sometimes he plays tennis with his old friend Mr Honda. One day they are playing again after a long day at work. At one point, the ball rolls into some bushes and, when... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul21	Guess Bill Belew July 21, 2006 In a zoology lab, the professor gives his teaching assistant a bird's foot and tells him: By visual examination of this extremity, you must tell me the family, genus, and species of the animal as well as its migratory habits and the number... Continue Reading Posted at 4:33 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	4 Answers Bill Belew July 21, 2006 Four business men were walking down the street: a Saudi, a Russian, aNorth Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up andsays, "Excuse me,what is your opinion about the meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "Excuse me, what's a shortage?"... Continue Reading Posted at 3:21 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Treasury Secretary William E. Simon Bill Belew July 21, 2006 Former Treasure Secretary William E. Simon had to go to extremes to make a point - heart surgery. "It proved that I had a heart, which surprised a lot of people". But, what would he do if somebody said he... Continue Reading Posted at 12:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Switched Bill Belew July 21, 2006 This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a T-shirt and a pair of shorts. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be... Continue Reading Posted at 12:30 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul20	Watergate's G. Gordon Liddy Bill Belew July 20, 2006 Thomas Ferraro was president of a new security firm founded by Watergate's G. Gordon Liddy. He shared his strategy for attracting business - "We hope Mr. Liddy's infamy will work in reverse." It worked for Martha Stewart, didn't it?... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Wise Comments Bill Belew July 20, 2006 A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. ... Continue Reading Posted at 12:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Better Quit Drinking Bill Belew July 20, 2006 Tony the juggler was driving to his next performance one day, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah. let me see." So the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Mr. Toyota and His Guts Bill Belew July 20, 2006 Mr. and Mrs. Toyota had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only frictions in their marriage were caused by the husband's habit of coming home late and drunk after work almost every night, and breaking wind nearly every morning... Continue Reading Posted at 12:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul19	An Engineer's Question Bill Belew July 19, 2006 A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailing awayahead of... Continue Reading Posted at 6:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 13 Bill Belew July 19, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:33 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 18 Bill Belew July 19, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	What My Wife Wishes I Would Do in Our Home - Part 2 Bill Belew July 19, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 6:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Postmaster General Anthony Frank Bill Belew July 19, 2006 The US Postmaster General Anthony Frank almost reduced the size of the Postal Service's annual deficit - "I never thought I'd see the day I would be bragging about potentially losing 'only' a billion dollars, but i guess that day... Continue Reading Posted at 12:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul18	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 17 Bill Belew July 18, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:31 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 12 Bill Belew July 18, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHY DO LOVERS OFTEN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ford Motor Co. Chairman, Alex Trotman Bill Belew July 18, 2006 Alex Trotman, former chairman of Ford Motor Co. "We're always concerned about what's going to happen, because we're almost always wrong about the future." And Ford Motor Co. is STILL wrong........ Continue Reading Posted at 12:39 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul17	Operation Efficiency Bill Belew July 17, 2006 A man goes to a busy restaurant and sits down at the only empty table. As he sits down, he accidentally knocks the spoon off the table with his elbow. The waiter immediately takes a spoon from his pocket and... Continue Reading Posted at 10:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 16 Bill Belew July 17, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 9 Bill Belew July 17, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We... Continue Reading Posted at 3:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Termite Killer Chlordane Bill Belew July 17, 2006 Othal Brand was a board member of the Texas pesiticide regulatory board. This is what he had to say about Chlordane. "Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway." So,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul16	What My Wife Wishes I Would do In Our Home - Part 1 Bill Belew July 16, 2006 My wife and I live in a small matchbox in Silicon Valley that cost enough to buy my sister's whole street in Nowhere Indiana. We have friends who live in Santa Clara and Palo Alto whose houses are no doubt... Continue Reading Posted at 5:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Long Time at the Home Depot Bill Belew July 16, 2006 Two men in a pickup truck drove into The Home Depot. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went... Continue Reading Posted at 1:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Never Out Run A Bear? Bill Belew July 16, 2006 Sam and Dave work at the same office, and they both like camping in the wilderness. Once when they are camping at Rancho San Antonio, Sam turns and notices a bear about a mile behind them. They decide to pick up... Continue Reading Posted at 12:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	High-Tech Bill Belew July 16, 2006 Bill is on a short business trip to San Francisco. While waiting for his flight which leaves a 6:00 at the Cincinnati Airport, he relizes that he has forgotten his watch, so he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots... Continue Reading Posted at 12:35 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul15	Ask The Therapist Bill Belew July 15, 2006 Bob had a terrible stuttering problem and was starting to get depressed about it. His therapist told him to do something exciting to get his mind off of his problem. The therapist recommended sky-diving. One day Bob went up with... Continue Reading Posted at 1:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Stop or Slow Down? Bill Belew July 15, 2006 An LAPD police officer. who was "sitting" at a stop sign, watched a man roll through the intersection without stopping. He pulled the driver over and requested to see the driver's licenseand registration. The driver asked, "But officer, why'd you stop... Continue Reading Posted at 1:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul14	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 15 Bill Belew July 14, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 8 Bill Belew July 14, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. - I... Continue Reading Posted at 6:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	President JFK on Businessmen Bill Belew July 14, 2006 President JFK had a showdown in 1962 with US Steel over price hikes. "My father always told me that all businessmen are sons of bitches, but I never believed it until now." And to think, that's just their mothers that... Continue Reading Posted at 12:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul13	Died At Work - Part 4 Bill Belew July 13, 2006 George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I., narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his factory except for one wall. After treatment for minor injuries, he returned to the scene tosearch for files. The remaining wall then... Continue Reading Posted at 12:53 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 7 Bill Belew July 13, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out), diahoah(*crossed... Continue Reading Posted at 6:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 14 Bill Belew July 13, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	R.O.S. Head Service Bill Belew July 13, 2006 R. O. S. Head Service collects waste from boat toilets at a marina in Washington state. "There isn't a big line (of competitors) forming. It's not a particularly attractive vocation." But, somebody's gotta do it...and the guy with the keys... Continue Reading Posted at 12:31 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rule of Thumb Bill Belew July 13, 2006 The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul12	Would you like some fries? Bill Belew July 12, 2006 I went into a McDonalds yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?" ... Continue Reading Posted at 11:47 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Died At Work - Part 3 Bill Belew July 12, 2006 A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car into a river on his way home after work. He managed to break a window, climb out and swim to shore-where a tree blew over and killed him.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:52 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 6 Bill Belew July 12, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Ron was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:11 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 13 Bill Belew July 12, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Tokyo Stock Exchange Bill Belew July 12, 2006 Japan is slow to change. Japan is slow to outside influence. Japan is slow... When Congressman Charles Schumer of NY was asked about the movement to allow foreign firms on the Tokyo Stock Exchange, he replied - "It's pretty much... Continue Reading Posted at 12:28 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul11	Died At Work - Part 2 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old software engineer was so afraid of dentists that he asked a fellow geek to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the jaw. The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head, and he died of a... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 5 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 12 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 11 Bill Belew July 11, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHY DO LOVERS OFTEN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Making the Best of Mad Cow Disease Bill Belew July 11, 2006 An English Farmer put advertising signs over his cattle during a mad cow disease scare. He explained - "The cows are filling their bellies every day, so they might as well pay for their upkeep." And now, my wife makes me... Continue Reading Posted at 12:25 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul10	Died At Work - Part 1 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Mike Stewart was filming a movie in 1983 on the dangers of low-level bridges when the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge-killing him.... Continue Reading Posted at 11:50 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 10 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW DO PEOPLE IN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 4 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 11 Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 5:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Signature Eyewear - Help Wanted Bill Belew July 10, 2006 Signature Eyewear CEO, Bernard Weiss commented on how difficult it is to get work sometimes. "Thank God, I started the company, because otherwise I couldn't get a job here." Nor would he hire me or anybody else.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 9	Insurance Against Iimpregnation By An Alien Bill Belew July 9, 2006 Goodfellow Rebecca Ingrams Pearson, an insurer broker, sells the policies for $210 a year. "So far we've had everyone from 18-year-oldsto pensioners taking out the policy, but I don't anticipate very manysuccessful claims," said Managing Director Simon Burgess. The broker... Continue Reading Posted at 11:35 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 3 Bill Belew July 9, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 5 Bill Belew July 9, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove that fact is stranger than fiction. A woman named Linda went to Arkansas last week to visit her in-laws, and while there, went to a store. She parked next... Continue Reading Posted at 6:01 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 8	Apology Bill Belew July 8, 2006 "Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18 inch pizza and not a huge18 inch penis, as described in an add. Blondie's Pizza would like to apologize for any confusion Friday's ad may have caused." - Correction printed in The... Continue Reading Posted at 11:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 4 Bill Belew July 8, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was inthe house in the kitchen. The man was racing the... Continue Reading Posted at 10:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	How to make $1.25 million in 7 years Bill Belew July 8, 2006 The family of Molly Cohen, an amputee who was buried without her legs, received $1.25 million in punitive and compensatory damages from a funeral home guilty of losing the legs. Cohen's legs were amputated in 1986 and were given to... Continue Reading Posted at 10:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 2 Bill Belew July 8, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Chris will not be in school because he has an acre... Continue Reading Posted at 5:59 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 7	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 10 Bill Belew July 7, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 9 Bill Belew July 7, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW DO PEOPLE IN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:13 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Written Excuses Given to School - Part 1 Bill Belew July 7, 2006 Both my wife and I use to teach at a private school. The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to us by parents of students: - Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan.... Continue Reading Posted at 5:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Chinese Entrepreneurs Bill Belew July 7, 2006 Wang Chien-Shein, vice minister for economic affairs in Taiwan explained why there are so many small businesses on the island. "We say here that everybody wants to be a chicken's head, not a bull's toenail." Dang it! So, that means... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 6	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 3 Bill Belew July 6, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. - A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation... Continue Reading Posted at 6:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 8 Bill Belew July 6, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 9 Bill Belew July 6, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(last one for now) Bill Belew July 6, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... Her favorite actors are Gomer Pile, Goober, and Barney Fife. Her pet parrot knows how to whistle the song to "the Andy Griffith Show." He has a gun rack on his bicycle. Going... Continue Reading Posted at 3:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Michael Eisner of Disney Bill Belew July 6, 2006 Michael Fuchs was chairman of HBO and Warner Music, Inc. when he had this to say about another Michael and the outlook of Walt Disney under his direction. "You can never bet against Michael Eisner. He's a real businessman. He... Continue Reading Posted at 12:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 5	Superman Bill Belew July 5, 2006 Back in his glory days, Muhammad Ali got on an United plane and failed to fasten his seatbelt. When the stewardess reminded Ali to fasten his belt, the fighter replied, "Superman don't need seat belt." To that, the stewardess replied, "Superman don't need no... Continue Reading Posted at 12:26 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	"Puta! Puta! Puta!" Bill Belew July 5, 2006 A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!"... Continue Reading Posted at 6:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 8 Bill Belew July 5, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 7 Bill Belew July 5, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN... Continue Reading Posted at 5:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(part 25) Bill Belew July 5, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... The primary color of her car is "Bondo". Directions to her house include: "turn off the paved road". Lawn ornamentation means a Chevy and a Buick.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 4	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 2 Bill Belew July 4, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. - A woman with shortness on breath and who weighed approximately 500 lbs was dragged into the ER on a tarp by six firemen. ... Continue Reading Posted at 1:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Who signed the Declaration of Independence? Bill Belew July 4, 2006 Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.... Continue Reading Posted at 6:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Go Rabbit Bill Belew July 4, 2006 The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test.He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to... Continue Reading Posted at 6:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 7 Bill Belew July 4, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from ebay,... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(part 23) Bill Belew July 4, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... He has any relatives named "Elmer" or "Jed." His girlfriend thinks the way he picks his nose is cute. He wishes his house looked like the one on the beginning of "Beverly Hillbillies"... Continue Reading Posted at 3:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 3	Fact Is Stranger Than Fiction - Part 1 Bill Belew July 3, 2006 Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove thatfact is stranger than fiction. - A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a... Continue Reading Posted at 1:25 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Arrested Bill Belew July 3, 2006 When two employees at Shell refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:03 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	50,000 Strips of Paper Bill Belew July 3, 2006 Economy professor John Packer at USC labored 13 years on a book about American economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when his TA confused the... Continue Reading Posted at 11:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Record broken Bill Belew July 3, 2006 NUMMI trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. The film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries... Continue Reading Posted at 10:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 6 Bill Belew July 3, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHAT is FALLING IN... Continue Reading Posted at 6:39 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Strange Sayings in Office - Part 6 Bill Belew July 3, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to the Starbucks right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of ebay. I hence made several friends from... Continue Reading Posted at 6:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Jul 1	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 5 Bill Belew July 1, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHAT is FALLING IN... Continue Reading Posted at 5:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You Know Your Boss is a Redneck if....(part 22) Bill Belew July 1, 2006 You know your boss is a redneck if... He wears a belt buckle that weighs more than three pounds. He has ever been to a funeral or wedding where there were more pickup trucks than cars. His all-time favorite movie is "Cannonball... Continue Reading Posted at 3:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments

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