AManWalksIntoAnOffice: August 2006 Archives

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Aug31	Airline Announcements - Part 3 Bill Belew August 31, 2006 Know More: Business Quotes Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: - From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more." Posted at 9:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug31	Caught Napping At Work? Bill Belew August 31, 2006 Caught napping at work, school, or church? Try this one. Guaranteed to work!Just pick your head up real fast and say:"...in JESUS' name...AMEN!" (he-he...how can they yell at you for this :)ADDENDUM: For some reason, it won't work in a Synagogue.... Continue Reading Posted at 8:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Your Last Day At Work When... (Part 2) Bill Belew August 31, 2006 - You return from a week's vacation to find that you had scheduled this week as vacation, not last week.- The next morning after you take a "sick" day, the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek... Continue Reading Posted at 8:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Office Wisdom - Part 2 Bill Belew August 31, 2006 - It doesn't matter what you do; it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.- There will always be... Continue Reading Posted at 8:35 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 7 Bill Belew August 31, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If I get sick on the job, will I have to clean up my own puke? - Can I bring my goat to the company daycare... Continue Reading Posted at 8:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug30	Airline Announcements - Part 2 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: - As the plane landed and was coming to a... Continue Reading Posted at 2:22 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 6 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If you give me a job you're OK but if you don't you suck. - I don't DO applications. - If I work here I'll wear... Continue Reading Posted at 8:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You'd Really Like To Say At Work - Part 3 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 - This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. - If I throw a stick, will you leave? - Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. - Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? -... Continue Reading Posted at 8:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Your Last Day At Work When... (Part 1) Bill Belew August 30, 2006 - You hand a bank teller an envelope, and she asks, "What's this?", you suddenly realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox and gave her your mail.- A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman... Continue Reading Posted at 8:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 27 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE WAY... Continue Reading Posted at 12:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug29	Meet The Teacher Bill Belew August 29, 2006 The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees,... Continue Reading Posted at 2:40 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 5 Bill Belew August 29, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If you hire me I will show up. That's all I can promise for sure, but maybe it will be better than that and I... Continue Reading Posted at 8:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Getting A Job At Borealie Lumber Camp Bill Belew August 29, 2006 A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp Borealie Lumber Camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks'... Continue Reading Posted at 8:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Office Wisdom - Part 1 Bill Belew August 29, 2006 - A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.- Don't be irreplaceable; if... Continue Reading Posted at 8:33 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Airline Announcements - Part 1 Bill Belew August 29, 2006 Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:- From a Southwest Airline employee.... "There may be 50 ways to... Continue Reading Posted at 8:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug28	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 4 Bill Belew August 28, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If you hire me you can blow your nose on my sleeve any time you want to. - I'll need a company car and a driver... Continue Reading Posted at 8:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 7 Bill Belew August 28, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	An interview at HP Bill Belew August 28, 2006 A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of HP hands the executive her application.As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held."I must say," says... Continue Reading Posted at 8:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Hearse Driver Bill Belew August 28, 2006 A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up... Continue Reading Posted at 8:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	CEC's New Executive Bill Belew August 28, 2006 A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of Career Education Corp. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes."Open these if you run up against a problem you... Continue Reading Posted at 8:07 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug27	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 3 Bill Belew August 27, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - I won't sue you when you fire me. - My arrest record is all a bunch of lies. - I was a sniper in the... Continue Reading Posted at 8:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle'sJob Evaluations - Part 6 Bill Belew August 27, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A USC Business School Graduate's Starting Salary Bill Belew August 27, 2006 Fresh out of USC business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated, arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had started from scratch."I need... Continue Reading Posted at 8:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Sign at Frankie, Johnnie and Luigi Too! Bill Belew August 27, 2006 A customer walks into Frankie, Johnnie and Luigi Too! and notices a large sign on the wall:$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks... Continue Reading Posted at 8:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 26 Bill Belew August 27, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 12:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug26	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 2 Bill Belew August 26, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - That big thing growing on my face isn't my fault. - I don't do drugs at work any more. And I probably won't. - I... Continue Reading Posted at 8:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 5 Bill Belew August 26, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A teacher in New York City Bill Belew August 26, 2006 A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?" A... Continue Reading Posted at 8:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Brooks College's New President Bill Belew August 26, 2006 Brooks College , feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new president. This new boss is determined to rid the college of all slackers.On a tour of the admin office, the president notices a guy leaning on a... Continue Reading Posted at 8:28 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Four engineers from BMW, Toyota, Ford, and Microsoft Bill Belew August 26, 2006 Four engineers from BMW, Toyota, Ford, and Microsoft were traveling in a car. While they were traveling to their destination the car stalled on them. Then the first engineer who was a BMW mechanical engineer said, "don't worry its probably engine problems. I will... Continue Reading Posted at 8:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug25	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 4 Bill Belew August 25, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 1 Bill Belew August 25, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these:- You could do worse. - I'll work so hard you won't even know I'm there. - I'll need all my paid vacation time up front so... Continue Reading Posted at 8:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 13 Bill Belew August 25, 2006 - On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."- At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."- Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming." - On... Continue Reading Posted at 8:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Bible's Advice Bill Belew August 25, 2006 A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice.He tells... Continue Reading Posted at 8:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Teacher at Class Bill Belew August 25, 2006 A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.She... Continue Reading Posted at 8:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug24	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 3 Bill Belew August 24, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 12 Bill Belew August 24, 2006 - In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."- On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."- At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for,... Continue Reading Posted at 8:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Wal-Mart Checkout Bill Belew August 24, 2006 A woman went to Wal-Martto purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price.She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all... Continue Reading Posted at 8:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Interview Bill Belew August 24, 2006 Jerry is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector decides to give Jerry a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized... Continue Reading Posted at 8:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 25 Bill Belew August 24, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW TO MAKE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug23	The United Union Bill Belew August 23, 2006 Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse at The United Airline. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:54 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 2 Bill Belew August 23, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 11 Bill Belew August 23, 2006 - At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout"- Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it"- At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your... Continue Reading Posted at 8:39 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A CEO and An Engineer Bill Belew August 23, 2006 A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him... Continue Reading Posted at 8:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Salesman at An AAA Insurance Office Bill Belew August 23, 2006 A man walks into an AAA insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!""Well, we have two prospects that no one... Continue Reading Posted at 8:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug22	My Favorite Essay Bill Belew August 22, 2006 I once asked my creative writing class at University of Phoenix to write a concise essay containing the following four elements: Religion, Royalty, Sex, and Mystery.Here is my favorite essay: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"... Continue Reading Posted at 4:16 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Talking Gong Bill Belew August 22, 2006 While proudly showing off his new apartment to colleagues, a new employee led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock", the man replied."How's it work?" the... Continue Reading Posted at 4:02 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Genie at the USDA Office Bill Belew August 22, 2006 An USDA employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. "I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie. Poof! A beer appeared.Next the man... Continue Reading Posted at 3:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 1 Bill Belew August 22, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 3:26 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 10 Bill Belew August 22, 2006 - At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator) "Best Place in Town to take a Leak"- Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."- On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband tried to fix."- On the trucks... Continue Reading Posted at 8:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug21	Two Workers at Levi's Bill Belew August 21, 2006 Sven and Ole worked together at Levi's and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton... Continue Reading Posted at 11:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Frank and Matt Bill Belew August 21, 2006 Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a... Continue Reading Posted at 11:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rules For Boss - Part 4 Bill Belew August 21, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I... Continue Reading Posted at 8:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You'd Really Like To Say At Work - Part 2 Bill Belew August 21, 2006 - I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. - I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. - The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. - What am I? Flypaper... Continue Reading Posted at 8:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 24 Bill Belew August 21, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHEN IS IT... Continue Reading Posted at 6:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug20	You Know You Are A Teacher If...(Part 4) Bill Belew August 20, 2006 You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun." You... Continue Reading Posted at 8:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rules For Boss - Part 3 Bill Belew August 20, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion. -... Continue Reading Posted at 8:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You'd Really Like To Say At Work - Part 1 Bill Belew August 20, 2006 - Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.. - I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronouce. - I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. - I'll try... Continue Reading Posted at 8:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Eating With Boss Bill Belew August 20, 2006 A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.The man... Continue Reading Posted at 8:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug19	Rules For Boss - Part 2 Bill Belew August 19, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn... Continue Reading Posted at 1:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Police Man On Duty - Part 2 Bill Belew August 19, 2006 One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar forpossible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closingtime, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different... Continue Reading Posted at 10:28 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You know you are a teacher if...(Part 3) Bill Belew August 19, 2006 You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years. You've ever had... Continue Reading Posted at 8:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Longs Drugs Fired A Clecrk Bill Belew August 19, 2006 John was a clerk at Longs Drugs Store but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.Bob, the store manager, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would... Continue Reading Posted at 8:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lip Prints on Victoria Times Bill Belew August 19, 2006 According to a news report on Victoria Times, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but... Continue Reading Posted at 8:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug18	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 4 Bill Belew August 18, 2006 1. Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate. 2. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. 3. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't meteverybody. 4. If you can smile when things... Continue Reading Posted at 4:06 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rules For Boss - Part 1 Bill Belew August 18, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline... Continue Reading Posted at 1:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You know you are a teacher if...(Part 2) Bill Belew August 18, 2006 You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today. When out in public you feel the urge... Continue Reading Posted at 8:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Brooks Brothers Hires A New Salesman Bill Belew August 18, 2006 A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering the store manager at Brooks Brothers about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the manager tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.Another employee points out to... Continue Reading Posted at 8:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 23 Bill Belew August 18, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW A PERSON... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug17	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 3 Bill Belew August 17, 2006 1. No one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life isserious. 2. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. 3. The other line always moves faster until you get in it.... Continue Reading Posted at 4:04 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Budget Cut Bill Belew August 17, 2006 Dear Employee:As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You know you are a teacher if...(Part 1) Bill Belew August 17, 2006 You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick. You find humor in other people's stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers... Continue Reading Posted at 11:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Cheers' Olives Bill Belew August 17, 2006 A fellow came into Cheers and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full... Continue Reading Posted at 11:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	God's Answers Bill Belew August 17, 2006 A man asks God, "What's 100 million years seem like to you?" God answers, "One hundred million years? That's like a second to me." Then the man asks, "Hey God? What's 100 million dollars seem like to you?" And God answers,... Continue Reading Posted at 10:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug16	The Train Accident Bill Belew August 16, 2006 In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a carand pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court. At the trial, the... Continue Reading Posted at 4:42 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Pilots Bill Belew August 16, 2006 One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner areseated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and... Continue Reading Posted at 4:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Co-Worker - Part 1 Bill Belew August 16, 2006 My co-worker is what's generally known as a "Strawberry Blonde", which is of course, half blonde/half redhead. Every once in a while though the blonde part gains the upper hand. On a business trip to New York, there was a one of those small... Continue Reading Posted at 4:32 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 2 Bill Belew August 16, 2006 1. This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it. 2. There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation. 3. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 4. The world... Continue Reading Posted at 4:03 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 7 Bill Belew August 16, 2006 "Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough." "What do you mean 'You want a divorce'!" "She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!" "FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!" "Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"... Continue Reading Posted at 6:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug15	Off The Tracks Bill Belew August 15, 2006 A young couple were enjoying the scenery fly by the window, on a leisurely train ride to a wonderful summer resort. They were quite surprised when the train, after whistling for some time, derailed, but kept riding in a field... Continue Reading Posted at 4:19 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	President Clinton And A Genie Bill Belew August 15, 2006 As President Clinton was walking on a beach one day, he tripped on a partially buried bottle. Picking it up, Bill rubbed it to expose the label. Suddenly a cloud poured from the bottle and a huge genie appeared. "Thank... Continue Reading Posted at 4:14 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 1 Bill Belew August 15, 2006 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility. 2. If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply, because theywill stop making it. 3. All things equal, fat people use more soap. 4. You can't tell which way the train... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 22 Bill Belew August 15, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW WAS KISSING... Continue Reading Posted at 6:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 6 Bill Belew August 15, 2006 "And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape." "OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature." "This patient has already had some kids, am I... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug14	A Great Deal Bill Belew August 14, 2006 A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. Thebartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show yousomething... Continue Reading Posted at 3:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Special Offer Bill Belew August 14, 2006 My travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him.. "How am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo?" He... Continue Reading Posted at 3:51 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Question Bill Belew August 14, 2006 There were two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two. The poet was minding his own... Continue Reading Posted at 3:47 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 5 Bill Belew August 14, 2006 "Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all." "Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?" "What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change.....!" "Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Fascinate Bill Belew August 14, 2006 The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but... Continue Reading Posted at 11:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug13	First Parachute Jump Bill Belew August 13, 2006 Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeantreminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pullthe second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you... Continue Reading Posted at 11:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Toyota's Went Fishing Bill Belew August 13, 2006 Mrs. Toyota after returning from fishing trip with her husband to neighbor: "I did everything all wrong again today -- I talked too much and too loud. I used the wrong bait. I reeled in too soon and I caught more than he did."... Continue Reading Posted at 11:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	White Collar Crime Bill Belew August 13, 2006 The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug. "Don't worry," the gruff looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white collar crime too." "Well, that's a relief." sighed the stockbroker. "I was... Continue Reading Posted at 11:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Infertility in Singapore Bill Belew August 13, 2006 Doctors in Singapore have solved part of the country's problem with infertility: they have found many couples don't know how to have sex, and have not been able to consummate their marriages "for years". "When a couple does not know how... Continue Reading Posted at 11:29 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 4 Bill Belew August 13, 2006 "What's this doing here?" "I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.." "That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!" "I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses."... Continue Reading Posted at 6:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug12	WOOM or WHOOM? Bill Belew August 12, 2006 Two Indian doctors were having a discussion: 'I tell you it is spelt W-O-O-M'. 'NO, it's definitely spelt W-H-O-O-M'. An old lady passing by remarked: 'Gentlemen, I'm afraid that you're both wrong . It's actually spelt W-O-M-B'. One doctor turns to... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Five Surgeons Bill Belew August 12, 2006 5 surgeons are taking a coffee break. 1st surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on becausewhen you open them up, everything inside is numbered." 2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything insidethem is in alphabetical order."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 3 Bill Belew August 12, 2006 "Darn, there go the lights again..." "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em." "Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!" "Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Ethics I Learned From My Dog - Part 2 Bill Belew August 12, 2006 - If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. - Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.- No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout -- run right back and make friends. -... Continue Reading Posted at 11:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 21 Bill Belew August 12, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW CAN YOU... Continue Reading Posted at 6:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug11	Boss Bill Belew August 11, 2006 A sportsman went to a hunting lodge and bagged a record number of birds, aided by a dog named "Hoss". Next year he returned and asked for the same dog again. "Hound ain't no damn good anymore." said the lodge owner. "What... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Ethics Bill Belew August 11, 2006 Michael took his 12-year-old son to his jewelry store one school holiday, thinking it was time the young man learned a little about the business. He showed him diamonds, emeralds, watches, bracelets, the working of the cash register, and the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 2 Bill Belew August 11, 2006 "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?""Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie." "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex." "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"... Continue Reading Posted at 11:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Ethics I Learned From My Dog - Part 1 Bill Belew August 11, 2006 - When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.- Let others know when they've invaded your territory. - Be loyal.- Never pretend to be something you're not.... Continue Reading Posted at 11:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	British Engineers Tested NASA's Gun Bill Belew August 11, 2006 Scientists at NASA have developed a gun, whose purpose it is to launch dead chickens. It is used to shoot a dead chicken at the windshields of airline jets, military jets, and the space shuttle, at that vehicle's maximum travelling velocity. The idea... Continue Reading Posted at 6:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug10	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 1 Bill Belew August 10, 2006 "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.""Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop." "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness""Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!" ... Continue Reading Posted at 11:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Dr. Goldstein's Patient Bill Belew August 10, 2006 Dr. Goldstein bumps into Mrs. Shapiro in the grocery store. "Oh, Mrs. Shapiro" says the Dr. "Your dad came in the other day for a checkup and I get such a kick out of him. For a 90 year old man,... Continue Reading Posted at 11:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Porsche or Ferrari Bill Belew August 10, 2006 Stosh had been out of work for close to two years. Needless to say, he was getting pretty desperate for money. He decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handyman.... Continue Reading Posted at 11:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Monkey at Cheers Bill Belew August 10, 2006 A guy walks into Cheers with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs... Continue Reading Posted at 11:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Meals on Wheels Bill Belew August 10, 2006 A little mouse dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate & lets him in. The mouse spends time looking around heaven, and after two weeks St. Peter seeks him out and says, "It's our custom after two... Continue Reading Posted at 11:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 9	Dominick's Bill Belew August 9, 2006 There is a big grocery store chain in the Chicago area called Dominick's. It was originally called Dominick & Arty's, because it was started by two brothers named Dominick and Arty. Well, early on in the partnership, Arty and Dominick had... Continue Reading Posted at 10:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Whenever It Breaks Bill Belew August 9, 2006 There is a monastery in Greece perched high on a cliff, several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery is to be suspended in a basket which is pulled to the top by several monks who... Continue Reading Posted at 10:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	First Day of A School Bus Driver Bill Belew August 9, 2006 Did you ever wonder how those kids get to Sesame Street to tape the show? Well, there is a Sesame Street Bus! John was new at driving the bus and didn't really know what to expect of the kids. At his... Continue Reading Posted at 10:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rural Computer Language - Part 4 Bill Belew August 9, 2006 Mouse : What eats the horses' grain in the barn. Main Frame : The part of the barn that holds the roof up. Port : Fancy wine. Enter : C'mon in! Random Access Memory : When you suddenly can't remember... Continue Reading Posted at 8:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 20 Bill Belew August 9, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW CAN YOU TELL IF... Continue Reading Posted at 6:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 8	Rural Computer Language - Part 3 Bill Belew August 8, 2006 Infrared : Where the leftovers go when Fred's around. Modem : What you did to the hay fields. Dot Matrix : John Matrix's wife. Printer : Someone who can't write in cursive. Lap Top : Where little kids feel comfy.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Friendly 7-Eleven Bill Belew August 8, 2006 ST. PETERS, Missouri (AP) -- A gunman robbed a 7-eleven convenience store of less than $100 -- then gave it back because his car wouldn't start. In return, the two clerks at the 7-eleven gave his car a jump-start. They also waited... Continue Reading Posted at 8:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Four Parachutes Bill Belew August 8, 2006 One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and... Continue Reading Posted at 8:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Parrot's of the Caribbean Bill Belew August 8, 2006 A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the show... Continue Reading Posted at 8:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Three Lunch Bags Bill Belew August 8, 2006 A German an Italian and a redneck are working on a construction crew and at lunch they go to the top of the building to eat. One day the German opens his bag and says "Bratwurst again, if I have bratwurst one... Continue Reading Posted at 8:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 7	"What Was The Name Of That Clinic?" Bill Belew August 7, 2006 Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest phychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge... Continue Reading Posted at 1:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Alligator Shoes Bill Belew August 7, 2006 An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very... Continue Reading Posted at 1:09 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lucky Bill Belew August 7, 2006 While vacationing on Cape Cod, my wife and I stopped as a small way-side stand and bought some tomatoes. When I commented how small they were, the proprietor's reply was "Ay-up". Returning a day or two later, my wife told the man... Continue Reading Posted at 1:05 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Outta Town Bill Belew August 7, 2006 An exchange student from Africa, dressed in colorful native robes, entered a bank in the western part of our county. He stepped up to the teller's window and told the elderly man he would like to cash a check. The teller... Continue Reading Posted at 1:00 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rural Computer Language - Part 2 Bill Belew August 7, 2006 RAM : The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work. Hard Drive : Gettin' home in mud season. Prompt : What you wish the mail was in mud season. Windows : What to shut when it's 30 below. Screen :... Continue Reading Posted at 12:47 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 6	A Successful Facial Surgery Bill Belew August 6, 2006 There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his... Continue Reading Posted at 12:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rural Computer Language - Part 1 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 Log On : Makin' the wood stove hotter. Log Off : Don't add any more wood. Monitor : Keep an eye on the wood stove. Download : Gettin' the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin'... Continue Reading Posted at 12:27 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 9 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without permission. On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable. Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's... Continue Reading Posted at 6:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 4 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 Massachusetts:1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. 2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. 3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 19 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE - "Love... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 5	Additional Stupids - Part 4 Bill Belew August 5, 2006 The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals... Continue Reading Posted at 10:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ate The Ear For Fun Bill Belew August 5, 2006 BOMBAY, India (AP) -- A Bombay construction worker made some comments about a colleague's wife -- then bit off the guy's ear and ate it. Vinayak Kadam has been arrested for assault, police said Wednesday. Kadam had reportedly argued Sunday... Continue Reading Posted at 8:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Chair? Bill Belew August 5, 2006 Two American women were staying at the Hotel Tivoli in Lisbon and wanted another chair in their room. The stewart who responded didn't understand English. One of the women pointed to the only chair in the room and then tried to pantomime... Continue Reading Posted at 8:04 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 8 Bill Belew August 5, 2006 On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak. In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited... Continue Reading Posted at 6:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 3 Bill Belew August 5, 2006 Kentucky:1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." 2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. Louisiana:1. It is illegal to rob a bank and... Continue Reading Posted at 6:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 4	Additional Stupids - Part 3 Bill Belew August 4, 2006 I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and... Continue Reading Posted at 10:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Niggers Bill Belew August 4, 2006 One day, a man was driving a truck full of bowling balls. He was delivering a shipment to a certain bowling alley. There was also a man outside in a rocking chair on the front porch of his house. He... Continue Reading Posted at 8:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Why Ken Barger the Accountant Committed Suicide Bill Belew August 4, 2006 According to Hickory Daily Record , 12-21-92: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December iin Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed... Continue Reading Posted at 8:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 7 Bill Belew August 4, 2006 In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour! On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques. In the window... Continue Reading Posted at 6:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 2 Bill Belew August 4, 2006 Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. 3. If an elephant is... Continue Reading Posted at 6:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 3	Crazy Language Bill Belew August 3, 2006 Let's face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in ggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Additional Stupids - Part 2 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 I was busy writing some computer program and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he... Continue Reading Posted at 10:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 6 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs. In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. In a funeral parlor: Ask about... Continue Reading Posted at 6:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 1 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 Indiana:1. Bathing is prohibited during the winter. 2. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic. Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but... Continue Reading Posted at 6:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 18 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE - "Yesterday... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 2	Additional Stupids - Part 1 Bill Belew August 2, 2006 A British tour guide once told me that while addressing a group of Americans visiting Buckingham Palace, landing aircraft at Heathrow Airport made so much noise the group had trouble hearing him. One American lady remarked that the Queen should have... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Gift Bill Belew August 2, 2006 On a special Teacher's Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving giftsfrom her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is....some flowers." "That's right!" said... Continue Reading Posted at 3:55 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Practice Patient Bill Belew August 2, 2006 According to a September report in Toronto's Glob and Mail, theUniversity of Toronto's medical school employs actors and other people for $12 to $35 per hour to be practice patients for its students. Bob LeRoy, 45, commands the top pay... Continue Reading Posted at 3:50 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 5 Bill Belew August 2, 2006 In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church. On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices... Continue Reading Posted at 6:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	City Rules - Part 2 Bill Belew August 2, 2006 Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. Texas: A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. Washington: A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 1	"Does The Campground Have Its Own B.C?" Bill Belew August 1, 2006 There is this rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and ele-gant especially in language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for reservation. She wanted to make... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Abortion Bill Belew August 1, 2006 A Pennsylvania mom faces criminal charges for taking her son's thirteen-year-old girlfriend out of state for an abortion. Rosa MarieHartford helped a high-school freshman avoid the state's law that requires parental consent for abortion by driving her to a New... Continue Reading Posted at 12:16 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	City Rules - Part 1 Bill Belew August 1, 2006 North Dakota: Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. Oklahoma: Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. Oklahoma: Dogs must have a permit signed by the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 4 Bill Belew August 1, 2006 In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday. In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed. In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy. In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our... Continue Reading Posted at 11:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Richard Nixon Atheltic Department Bill Belew August 1, 2006 I want Sandy Quinn in my marketing department. She was a consultant to the Richard Nixon Library. When they came up with a shirt "Property of Richard Nixon Athletic Department" she responded - "I think that'll be a hot item... Continue Reading Posted at 12:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments

« July 2006 | Main | September 2006 »

Aug31	Airline Announcements - Part 3 Bill Belew August 31, 2006 Know More: Business Quotes Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: - From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more." Posted at 9:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug31	Caught Napping At Work? Bill Belew August 31, 2006 Caught napping at work, school, or church? Try this one. Guaranteed to work!Just pick your head up real fast and say:"...in JESUS' name...AMEN!" (he-he...how can they yell at you for this :)ADDENDUM: For some reason, it won't work in a Synagogue.... Continue Reading Posted at 8:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Your Last Day At Work When... (Part 2) Bill Belew August 31, 2006 - You return from a week's vacation to find that you had scheduled this week as vacation, not last week.- The next morning after you take a "sick" day, the boss asks you, "So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek... Continue Reading Posted at 8:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Office Wisdom - Part 2 Bill Belew August 31, 2006 - It doesn't matter what you do; it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.- There will always be... Continue Reading Posted at 8:35 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 7 Bill Belew August 31, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If I get sick on the job, will I have to clean up my own puke? - Can I bring my goat to the company daycare... Continue Reading Posted at 8:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug30	Airline Announcements - Part 2 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: - As the plane landed and was coming to a... Continue Reading Posted at 2:22 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 6 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If you give me a job you're OK but if you don't you suck. - I don't DO applications. - If I work here I'll wear... Continue Reading Posted at 8:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You'd Really Like To Say At Work - Part 3 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 - This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. - If I throw a stick, will you leave? - Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. - Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? -... Continue Reading Posted at 8:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	It's Your Last Day At Work When... (Part 1) Bill Belew August 30, 2006 - You hand a bank teller an envelope, and she asks, "What's this?", you suddenly realize you just dropped the company's deposit in a mailbox and gave her your mail.- A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman... Continue Reading Posted at 8:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 27 Bill Belew August 30, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE WAY... Continue Reading Posted at 12:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug29	Meet The Teacher Bill Belew August 29, 2006 The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked:"Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees,... Continue Reading Posted at 2:40 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 5 Bill Belew August 29, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If you hire me I will show up. That's all I can promise for sure, but maybe it will be better than that and I... Continue Reading Posted at 8:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Getting A Job At Borealie Lumber Camp Bill Belew August 29, 2006 A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp Borealie Lumber Camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks'... Continue Reading Posted at 8:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Office Wisdom - Part 1 Bill Belew August 29, 2006 - A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.- Don't be irreplaceable; if... Continue Reading Posted at 8:33 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Airline Announcements - Part 1 Bill Belew August 29, 2006 Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining.Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:- From a Southwest Airline employee.... "There may be 50 ways to... Continue Reading Posted at 8:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug28	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 4 Bill Belew August 28, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - If you hire me you can blow your nose on my sleeve any time you want to. - I'll need a company car and a driver... Continue Reading Posted at 8:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 7 Bill Belew August 28, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	An interview at HP Bill Belew August 28, 2006 A gal comes in for her interview with the human resources department of HP hands the executive her application.As the executive begins to scan her resume, he notices that she has been fired from every job she's ever held."I must say," says... Continue Reading Posted at 8:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Hearse Driver Bill Belew August 28, 2006 A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up... Continue Reading Posted at 8:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	CEC's New Executive Bill Belew August 28, 2006 A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of Career Education Corp. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes."Open these if you run up against a problem you... Continue Reading Posted at 8:07 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug27	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 3 Bill Belew August 27, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - I won't sue you when you fire me. - My arrest record is all a bunch of lies. - I was a sniper in the... Continue Reading Posted at 8:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle'sJob Evaluations - Part 6 Bill Belew August 27, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A USC Business School Graduate's Starting Salary Bill Belew August 27, 2006 Fresh out of USC business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a highly agitated, arrogant little man who ran a small business that he had started from scratch."I need... Continue Reading Posted at 8:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Sign at Frankie, Johnnie and Luigi Too! Bill Belew August 27, 2006 A customer walks into Frankie, Johnnie and Luigi Too! and notices a large sign on the wall:$500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER!When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks... Continue Reading Posted at 8:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 26 Bill Belew August 27, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "IS THERE A SUREFIRE... Continue Reading Posted at 12:10 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug26	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 2 Bill Belew August 26, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these: - That big thing growing on my face isn't my fault. - I don't do drugs at work any more. And I probably won't. - I... Continue Reading Posted at 8:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 5 Bill Belew August 26, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A teacher in New York City Bill Belew August 26, 2006 A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?" A... Continue Reading Posted at 8:38 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Brooks College's New President Bill Belew August 26, 2006 Brooks College , feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new president. This new boss is determined to rid the college of all slackers.On a tour of the admin office, the president notices a guy leaning on a... Continue Reading Posted at 8:28 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Four engineers from BMW, Toyota, Ford, and Microsoft Bill Belew August 26, 2006 Four engineers from BMW, Toyota, Ford, and Microsoft were traveling in a car. While they were traveling to their destination the car stalled on them. Then the first engineer who was a BMW mechanical engineer said, "don't worry its probably engine problems. I will... Continue Reading Posted at 8:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug25	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 4 Bill Belew August 25, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Shouldn't Say At Job Interview - Part 1 Bill Belew August 25, 2006 If ya really want that new job, you may want to avoid saying these:- You could do worse. - I'll work so hard you won't even know I'm there. - I'll need all my paid vacation time up front so... Continue Reading Posted at 8:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 13 Bill Belew August 25, 2006 - On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."- At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."- Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming." - On... Continue Reading Posted at 8:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Bible's Advice Bill Belew August 25, 2006 A man has been in business for many, many years and the business is going down the drain. He is seriously contemplating suicide and he doesn't know what to do. He goes to the Rabbi to seek his advice.He tells... Continue Reading Posted at 8:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Teacher at Class Bill Belew August 25, 2006 A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.She... Continue Reading Posted at 8:40 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug24	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 3 Bill Belew August 24, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:43 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 12 Bill Belew August 24, 2006 - In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."- On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."- At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for,... Continue Reading Posted at 8:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Wal-Mart Checkout Bill Belew August 24, 2006 A woman went to Wal-Martto purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price.She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all... Continue Reading Posted at 8:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Interview Bill Belew August 24, 2006 Jerry is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.The inspector decides to give Jerry a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized... Continue Reading Posted at 8:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 25 Bill Belew August 24, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW TO MAKE... Continue Reading Posted at 6:27 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug23	The United Union Bill Belew August 23, 2006 Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse at The United Airline. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:54 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 2 Bill Belew August 23, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 8:41 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 11 Bill Belew August 23, 2006 - At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout"- Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it"- At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your... Continue Reading Posted at 8:39 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A CEO and An Engineer Bill Belew August 23, 2006 A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him... Continue Reading Posted at 8:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Salesman at An AAA Insurance Office Bill Belew August 23, 2006 A man walks into an AAA insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!""Well, we have two prospects that no one... Continue Reading Posted at 8:20 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug22	My Favorite Essay Bill Belew August 22, 2006 I once asked my creative writing class at University of Phoenix to write a concise essay containing the following four elements: Religion, Royalty, Sex, and Mystery.Here is my favorite essay: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"... Continue Reading Posted at 4:16 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Talking Gong Bill Belew August 22, 2006 While proudly showing off his new apartment to colleagues, a new employee led the way into the den."What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked."That is the talking clock", the man replied."How's it work?" the... Continue Reading Posted at 4:02 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Genie at the USDA Office Bill Belew August 22, 2006 An USDA employee found an old brass lamp in a filing cabinet. When he dusted it off, a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. "I'd love an ice-cold beer right now," he told the genie. Poof! A beer appeared.Next the man... Continue Reading Posted at 3:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Oracle's Job Evaluations - Part 1 Bill Belew August 22, 2006 Almost everyday at my lunch break I go to Jamba Juice right down the street from my office, which is also about a hop, skip and a jump from the headquarter of Oracle. I hence made a friend from Oracle's HR... Continue Reading Posted at 3:26 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 10 Bill Belew August 22, 2006 - At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator) "Best Place in Town to take a Leak"- Sign over a gynecologist's office "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."- On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband tried to fix."- On the trucks... Continue Reading Posted at 8:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug21	Two Workers at Levi's Bill Belew August 21, 2006 Sven and Ole worked together at Levi's and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton... Continue Reading Posted at 11:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Frank and Matt Bill Belew August 21, 2006 Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a... Continue Reading Posted at 11:49 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rules For Boss - Part 4 Bill Belew August 21, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to know anything. In the corporate food chain, I... Continue Reading Posted at 8:57 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You'd Really Like To Say At Work - Part 2 Bill Belew August 21, 2006 - I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. - I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. - The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. - What am I? Flypaper... Continue Reading Posted at 8:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 24 Bill Belew August 21, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "WHEN IS IT... Continue Reading Posted at 6:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug20	You Know You Are A Teacher If...(Part 4) Bill Belew August 20, 2006 You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form. You know you are in for a major project when a parent says "I have a great idea I'd like to discuss. I think it would be such fun." You... Continue Reading Posted at 8:55 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rules For Boss - Part 3 Bill Belew August 20, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion. -... Continue Reading Posted at 8:54 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You'd Really Like To Say At Work - Part 1 Bill Belew August 20, 2006 - Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.. - I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronouce. - I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. - I'll try... Continue Reading Posted at 8:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Eating With Boss Bill Belew August 20, 2006 A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.The man... Continue Reading Posted at 8:37 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug19	Rules For Boss - Part 2 Bill Belew August 19, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books, or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn... Continue Reading Posted at 1:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Police Man On Duty - Part 2 Bill Belew August 19, 2006 One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar forpossible violations of the driving-under-the-influence laws. At closingtime, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different... Continue Reading Posted at 10:28 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You know you are a teacher if...(Part 3) Bill Belew August 19, 2006 You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozak. You believe no one should be permitted to reproduce without having taught in an elementary setting for the last 10 years. You've ever had... Continue Reading Posted at 8:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Longs Drugs Fired A Clecrk Bill Belew August 19, 2006 John was a clerk at Longs Drugs Store but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.Bob, the store manager, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would... Continue Reading Posted at 8:16 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lip Prints on Victoria Times Bill Belew August 19, 2006 According to a news report on Victoria Times, a certain private school recently was faced with a unique problem.A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but... Continue Reading Posted at 8:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug18	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 4 Bill Belew August 18, 2006 1. Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate. 2. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense. 3. If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven't meteverybody. 4. If you can smile when things... Continue Reading Posted at 4:06 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rules For Boss - Part 1 Bill Belew August 18, 2006 You should go over well with your boss, print it out and hang it over your work station... - Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline... Continue Reading Posted at 1:45 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You know you are a teacher if...(Part 2) Bill Belew August 18, 2006 You believe "Shallow gene pool" should have its own box in the report card. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today. When out in public you feel the urge... Continue Reading Posted at 8:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Brooks Brothers Hires A New Salesman Bill Belew August 18, 2006 A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering the store manager at Brooks Brothers about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the manager tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.Another employee points out to... Continue Reading Posted at 8:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 23 Bill Belew August 18, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW A PERSON... Continue Reading Posted at 6:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug17	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 3 Bill Belew August 17, 2006 1. No one shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life isserious. 2. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world. 3. The other line always moves faster until you get in it.... Continue Reading Posted at 4:04 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Budget Cut Bill Belew August 17, 2006 Dear Employee:As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of... Continue Reading Posted at 12:02 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	You know you are a teacher if...(Part 1) Bill Belew August 17, 2006 You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick. You find humor in other people's stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers... Continue Reading Posted at 11:47 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Cheers' Olives Bill Belew August 17, 2006 A fellow came into Cheers and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full... Continue Reading Posted at 11:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	God's Answers Bill Belew August 17, 2006 A man asks God, "What's 100 million years seem like to you?" God answers, "One hundred million years? That's like a second to me." Then the man asks, "Hey God? What's 100 million dollars seem like to you?" And God answers,... Continue Reading Posted at 10:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug16	The Train Accident Bill Belew August 16, 2006 In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a carand pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court. At the trial, the... Continue Reading Posted at 4:42 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Pilots Bill Belew August 16, 2006 One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner areseated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and... Continue Reading Posted at 4:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Co-Worker - Part 1 Bill Belew August 16, 2006 My co-worker is what's generally known as a "Strawberry Blonde", which is of course, half blonde/half redhead. Every once in a while though the blonde part gains the upper hand. On a business trip to New York, there was a one of those small... Continue Reading Posted at 4:32 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 2 Bill Belew August 16, 2006 1. This is as bad as it can get, but don't bet on it. 2. There is no substitute for genuine lack of preparation. 3. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 4. The world... Continue Reading Posted at 4:03 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 7 Bill Belew August 16, 2006 "Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough." "What do you mean 'You want a divorce'!" "She's gonna blow! Everybody take cover!!!" "FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out now!!" "Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"... Continue Reading Posted at 6:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug15	Off The Tracks Bill Belew August 15, 2006 A young couple were enjoying the scenery fly by the window, on a leisurely train ride to a wonderful summer resort. They were quite surprised when the train, after whistling for some time, derailed, but kept riding in a field... Continue Reading Posted at 4:19 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	President Clinton And A Genie Bill Belew August 15, 2006 As President Clinton was walking on a beach one day, he tripped on a partially buried bottle. Picking it up, Bill rubbed it to expose the label. Suddenly a cloud poured from the bottle and a huge genie appeared. "Thank... Continue Reading Posted at 4:14 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis - Part 1 Bill Belew August 15, 2006 1. Indecision is the key to flexibility. 2. If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply, because theywill stop making it. 3. All things equal, fat people use more soap. 4. You can't tell which way the train... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 22 Bill Belew August 15, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW WAS KISSING... Continue Reading Posted at 6:19 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 6 Bill Belew August 15, 2006 "And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape." "OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature." "This patient has already had some kids, am I... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug14	A Great Deal Bill Belew August 14, 2006 A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink. Thebartender says: "No way. I don't think you can pay for it." The guy says, "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show yousomething... Continue Reading Posted at 3:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Special Offer Bill Belew August 14, 2006 My travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York. I asked him.. "How am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo?" He... Continue Reading Posted at 3:51 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Question Bill Belew August 14, 2006 There were two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two. The poet was minding his own... Continue Reading Posted at 3:47 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 5 Bill Belew August 14, 2006 "Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all." "Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?" "What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change.....!" "Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"... Continue Reading Posted at 12:05 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Fascinate Bill Belew August 14, 2006 The teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but... Continue Reading Posted at 11:24 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug13	First Parachute Jump Bill Belew August 13, 2006 Just before a soldier made his first parachute jump, his sergeantreminded him, "Count to ten and pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pullthe second rip cord for the auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you... Continue Reading Posted at 11:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Toyota's Went Fishing Bill Belew August 13, 2006 Mrs. Toyota after returning from fishing trip with her husband to neighbor: "I did everything all wrong again today -- I talked too much and too loud. I used the wrong bait. I reeled in too soon and I caught more than he did."... Continue Reading Posted at 11:42 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	White Collar Crime Bill Belew August 13, 2006 The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug. "Don't worry," the gruff looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white collar crime too." "Well, that's a relief." sighed the stockbroker. "I was... Continue Reading Posted at 11:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Infertility in Singapore Bill Belew August 13, 2006 Doctors in Singapore have solved part of the country's problem with infertility: they have found many couples don't know how to have sex, and have not been able to consummate their marriages "for years". "When a couple does not know how... Continue Reading Posted at 11:29 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 4 Bill Belew August 13, 2006 "What's this doing here?" "I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.." "That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!" "I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses."... Continue Reading Posted at 6:03 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug12	WOOM or WHOOM? Bill Belew August 12, 2006 Two Indian doctors were having a discussion: 'I tell you it is spelt W-O-O-M'. 'NO, it's definitely spelt W-H-O-O-M'. An old lady passing by remarked: 'Gentlemen, I'm afraid that you're both wrong . It's actually spelt W-O-M-B'. One doctor turns to... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Five Surgeons Bill Belew August 12, 2006 5 surgeons are taking a coffee break. 1st surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on becausewhen you open them up, everything inside is numbered." 2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything insidethem is in alphabetical order."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:38 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 3 Bill Belew August 12, 2006 "Darn, there go the lights again..." "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em." "Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!" "Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.."... Continue Reading Posted at 12:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Ethics I Learned From My Dog - Part 2 Bill Belew August 12, 2006 - If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. - Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.- No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout -- run right back and make friends. -... Continue Reading Posted at 11:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 21 Bill Belew August 12, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW CAN YOU... Continue Reading Posted at 6:15 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug11	Boss Bill Belew August 11, 2006 A sportsman went to a hunting lodge and bagged a record number of birds, aided by a dog named "Hoss". Next year he returned and asked for the same dog again. "Hound ain't no damn good anymore." said the lodge owner. "What... Continue Reading Posted at 12:19 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Ethics Bill Belew August 11, 2006 Michael took his 12-year-old son to his jewelry store one school holiday, thinking it was time the young man learned a little about the business. He showed him diamonds, emeralds, watches, bracelets, the working of the cash register, and the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:11 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 2 Bill Belew August 11, 2006 "Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?""Hand me that....uh....that uh....thingie." "Oh no! I just lost my Rolex." "Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"... Continue Reading Posted at 11:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Ethics I Learned From My Dog - Part 1 Bill Belew August 11, 2006 - When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.- Let others know when they've invaded your territory. - Be loyal.- Never pretend to be something you're not.... Continue Reading Posted at 11:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	British Engineers Tested NASA's Gun Bill Belew August 11, 2006 Scientists at NASA have developed a gun, whose purpose it is to launch dead chickens. It is used to shoot a dead chicken at the windshields of airline jets, military jets, and the space shuttle, at that vehicle's maximum travelling velocity. The idea... Continue Reading Posted at 6:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug10	Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery - Part 1 Bill Belew August 10, 2006 "Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.""Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop." "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness""Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!" ... Continue Reading Posted at 11:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Dr. Goldstein's Patient Bill Belew August 10, 2006 Dr. Goldstein bumps into Mrs. Shapiro in the grocery store. "Oh, Mrs. Shapiro" says the Dr. "Your dad came in the other day for a checkup and I get such a kick out of him. For a 90 year old man,... Continue Reading Posted at 11:45 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Porsche or Ferrari Bill Belew August 10, 2006 Stosh had been out of work for close to two years. Needless to say, he was getting pretty desperate for money. He decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handyman.... Continue Reading Posted at 11:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Monkey at Cheers Bill Belew August 10, 2006 A guy walks into Cheers with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs... Continue Reading Posted at 11:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Meals on Wheels Bill Belew August 10, 2006 A little mouse dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate & lets him in. The mouse spends time looking around heaven, and after two weeks St. Peter seeks him out and says, "It's our custom after two... Continue Reading Posted at 11:08 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 9	Dominick's Bill Belew August 9, 2006 There is a big grocery store chain in the Chicago area called Dominick's. It was originally called Dominick & Arty's, because it was started by two brothers named Dominick and Arty. Well, early on in the partnership, Arty and Dominick had... Continue Reading Posted at 10:56 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Whenever It Breaks Bill Belew August 9, 2006 There is a monastery in Greece perched high on a cliff, several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery is to be suspended in a basket which is pulled to the top by several monks who... Continue Reading Posted at 10:51 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	First Day of A School Bus Driver Bill Belew August 9, 2006 Did you ever wonder how those kids get to Sesame Street to tape the show? Well, there is a Sesame Street Bus! John was new at driving the bus and didn't really know what to expect of the kids. At his... Continue Reading Posted at 10:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rural Computer Language - Part 4 Bill Belew August 9, 2006 Mouse : What eats the horses' grain in the barn. Main Frame : The part of the barn that holds the roof up. Port : Fancy wine. Enter : C'mon in! Random Access Memory : When you suddenly can't remember... Continue Reading Posted at 8:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 20 Bill Belew August 9, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. He asked - "HOW CAN YOU TELL IF... Continue Reading Posted at 6:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 8	Rural Computer Language - Part 3 Bill Belew August 8, 2006 Infrared : Where the leftovers go when Fred's around. Modem : What you did to the hay fields. Dot Matrix : John Matrix's wife. Printer : Someone who can't write in cursive. Lap Top : Where little kids feel comfy.... Continue Reading Posted at 12:49 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Friendly 7-Eleven Bill Belew August 8, 2006 ST. PETERS, Missouri (AP) -- A gunman robbed a 7-eleven convenience store of less than $100 -- then gave it back because his car wouldn't start. In return, the two clerks at the 7-eleven gave his car a jump-start. They also waited... Continue Reading Posted at 8:36 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Four Parachutes Bill Belew August 8, 2006 One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and... Continue Reading Posted at 8:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Parrot's of the Caribbean Bill Belew August 8, 2006 A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the show... Continue Reading Posted at 8:17 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Three Lunch Bags Bill Belew August 8, 2006 A German an Italian and a redneck are working on a construction crew and at lunch they go to the top of the building to eat. One day the German opens his bag and says "Bratwurst again, if I have bratwurst one... Continue Reading Posted at 8:00 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 7	"What Was The Name Of That Clinic?" Bill Belew August 7, 2006 Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest phychological techiniques-visulization, association-it made a huge... Continue Reading Posted at 1:13 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Alligator Shoes Bill Belew August 7, 2006 An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very... Continue Reading Posted at 1:09 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Lucky Bill Belew August 7, 2006 While vacationing on Cape Cod, my wife and I stopped as a small way-side stand and bought some tomatoes. When I commented how small they were, the proprietor's reply was "Ay-up". Returning a day or two later, my wife told the man... Continue Reading Posted at 1:05 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Outta Town Bill Belew August 7, 2006 An exchange student from Africa, dressed in colorful native robes, entered a bank in the western part of our county. He stepped up to the teller's window and told the elderly man he would like to cash a check. The teller... Continue Reading Posted at 1:00 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rural Computer Language - Part 2 Bill Belew August 7, 2006 RAM : The hydraulic thingy that makes the woodsplitter work. Hard Drive : Gettin' home in mud season. Prompt : What you wish the mail was in mud season. Windows : What to shut when it's 30 below. Screen :... Continue Reading Posted at 12:47 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 6	A Successful Facial Surgery Bill Belew August 6, 2006 There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so skinny. The husband then donated some of his... Continue Reading Posted at 12:56 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Rural Computer Language - Part 1 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 Log On : Makin' the wood stove hotter. Log Off : Don't add any more wood. Monitor : Keep an eye on the wood stove. Download : Gettin' the firewood off the pickup. Mega Hertz: When yer not careful downloadin'... Continue Reading Posted at 12:27 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 9 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 On the grounds of a public school: No trespassing without permission. On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road is impassable. Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's... Continue Reading Posted at 6:52 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 4 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 Massachusetts:1. Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches. 2. Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked. 3. An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the... Continue Reading Posted at 6:34 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 19 Bill Belew August 6, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE - "Love... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 5	Additional Stupids - Part 4 Bill Belew August 5, 2006 The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals... Continue Reading Posted at 10:14 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Ate The Ear For Fun Bill Belew August 5, 2006 BOMBAY, India (AP) -- A Bombay construction worker made some comments about a colleague's wife -- then bit off the guy's ear and ate it. Vinayak Kadam has been arrested for assault, police said Wednesday. Kadam had reportedly argued Sunday... Continue Reading Posted at 8:58 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	A Chair? Bill Belew August 5, 2006 Two American women were staying at the Hotel Tivoli in Lisbon and wanted another chair in their room. The stewart who responded didn't understand English. One of the women pointed to the only chair in the room and then tried to pantomime... Continue Reading Posted at 8:04 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 8 Bill Belew August 5, 2006 On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak. In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited... Continue Reading Posted at 6:50 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 3 Bill Belew August 5, 2006 Kentucky:1. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." 2. It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. Louisiana:1. It is illegal to rob a bank and... Continue Reading Posted at 6:32 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 4	Additional Stupids - Part 3 Bill Belew August 4, 2006 I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and... Continue Reading Posted at 10:12 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Niggers Bill Belew August 4, 2006 One day, a man was driving a truck full of bowling balls. He was delivering a shipment to a certain bowling alley. There was also a man outside in a rocking chair on the front porch of his house. He... Continue Reading Posted at 8:53 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Why Ken Barger the Accountant Committed Suicide Bill Belew August 4, 2006 According to Hickory Daily Record , 12-21-92: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December iin Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed... Continue Reading Posted at 8:26 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 7 Bill Belew August 4, 2006 In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour! On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques. In the window... Continue Reading Posted at 6:48 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 2 Bill Belew August 4, 2006 Florida: 1. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. 2. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. 3. If an elephant is... Continue Reading Posted at 6:21 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 3	Crazy Language Bill Belew August 3, 2006 Let's face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in ggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads,... Continue Reading Posted at 12:14 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Additional Stupids - Part 2 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 I was busy writing some computer program and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he... Continue Reading Posted at 10:09 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 6 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs. In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. In a funeral parlor: Ask about... Continue Reading Posted at 6:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	State Rules - Part 1 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 Indiana:1. Bathing is prohibited during the winter. 2. Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic. Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but... Continue Reading Posted at 6:18 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Marriage Counselor Gets Advice from Kindergartners - Part 18 Bill Belew August 3, 2006 A marriage counselor was running out of ways to advise his patients so he decided to ask some young kids for their advice on how he should respond to frequent questions. CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE - "Yesterday... Continue Reading Posted at 6:02 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 2	Additional Stupids - Part 1 Bill Belew August 2, 2006 A British tour guide once told me that while addressing a group of Americans visiting Buckingham Palace, landing aircraft at Heathrow Airport made so much noise the group had trouble hearing him. One American lady remarked that the Queen should have... Continue Reading Posted at 4:01 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	The Gift Bill Belew August 2, 2006 On a special Teacher's Day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving giftsfrom her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is....some flowers." "That's right!" said... Continue Reading Posted at 3:55 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Practice Patient Bill Belew August 2, 2006 According to a September report in Toronto's Glob and Mail, theUniversity of Toronto's medical school employs actors and other people for $12 to $35 per hour to be practice patients for its students. Bob LeRoy, 45, commands the top pay... Continue Reading Posted at 3:50 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 5 Bill Belew August 2, 2006 In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church. On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices... Continue Reading Posted at 6:44 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	City Rules - Part 2 Bill Belew August 2, 2006 Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. Texas: A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit. Washington: A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist... Continue Reading Posted at 6:06 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
Aug 1	"Does The Campground Have Its Own B.C?" Bill Belew August 1, 2006 There is this rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and ele-gant especially in language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for reservation. She wanted to make... Continue Reading Posted at 12:48 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Abortion Bill Belew August 1, 2006 A Pennsylvania mom faces criminal charges for taking her son's thirteen-year-old girlfriend out of state for an abortion. Rosa MarieHartford helped a high-school freshman avoid the state's law that requires parental consent for abortion by driving her to a New... Continue Reading Posted at 12:16 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	City Rules - Part 1 Bill Belew August 1, 2006 North Dakota: Beer & pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. Oklahoma: Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state. Oklahoma: Dogs must have a permit signed by the... Continue Reading Posted at 12:10 PM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Business Signs - Part 4 Bill Belew August 1, 2006 In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday. In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed. In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy. In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our... Continue Reading Posted at 11:46 AM \| Permalink \| Comments
	Richard Nixon Atheltic Department Bill Belew August 1, 2006 I want Sandy Quinn in my marketing department. She was a consultant to the Richard Nixon Library. When they came up with a shirt "Property of Richard Nixon Athletic Department" she responded - "I think that'll be a hot item... Continue Reading Posted at 12:22 AM \| Permalink \| Comments

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